Dragons of Arilla (Book 1 - Draft 2)

Chapter 5: Emotional Wounds

"So, Gold Leaf..."

"She was all I had. I craved her affection like a starved animal, I would do anything for it. For her. Whenever it was taken away..." His voice tightened, and he swallowed hard. "I was sure that I'd done something to deserve it, even if I couldn't think what that was. My greatest fear was that she would leave me, because I thought I was nothing without her."

Red didn't know what to say, nothing seemed adequate, but Wind seemed more focused on gathering himself than on Red's silence.

"There's a lot I've had to learn about love, real love, and family. Violet couldn't set me free, but she showed me what real love is, and gave me the strength to free myself. Then she welcomed me into her family, and it's a messy, dysfunctional thing, but there is real love amidst it all."

"I guess we're getting to your point."

Wind gave a small laugh, a sound of heavy hearted amusement. "I don't fault you for having a difficult relationship with your dad, and wanting to stay away because of that. You shouldn't have to be around someone who hurts you, but you're putting distance between yourself and everyone else too. You have a mother and siblings who love you, that's something I can only dream of, and you push them away. I know you're trying to protect yourself, but it hurts them, and I'm sure it must hurt you too."

"And you?" Red asked.

Wind looked a little taken aback by the question, then he looked away, but not fast enough to hide his change in expression, from surprised to pained.

"It bothers you that I have something you think you can't, and you think I'm throwing it away," Red said.

"You are," Wind said, fixing Red with a steely look, one he would never have expected to see on the blue drake's face. It didn't last long, that cold expression melted into one of hurt. "You have no idea how much Violet misses you."

Red sighed. "I know she does. Did she ever tell you what happened?"

Wind shook his head. "I only know that you had some sort of argument."

"Violet was always afraid of losing me, like we lost Slate. As we grew, and our social circles overlapped less... well, the tighter she tried to hold me, and the more I wanted to get away."

"You felt like she was smothering you?"

"I don't blame her, her actions were driven by fear, and the source of that fear is something I understand all too well. We both lost Slate. Still, I felt suffocated, and more than that, I was bitter."

Wind gave him a curious look, but kept silent, evidently trusting that Red would answer his question without needing to speak it.

"Long before she noticed the growing distance, I saw it. I watched as she started dating, and going out with her friends all the time, happily ignorant to the fact that she was leaving me alone at home. I couldn't even spend much time with my own friends, because our parents were too busy to be there for our younger siblings."

"Yes, I can see how that might make you bitter."

"For better or worse, I've never been quick to forgive, and when Violet realized how things were changing, she over compensated by a lot. The more I resisted, the more she wanted to hold on, and so on. It all ended with a lot of regrettable things said. After that, she didn't try to get close to me anymore, and I... I don't know."

"Feel guilty?" Wind guessed. "Like the reason you aren't close anymore is all your fault?"

Red didn't answer. The amount of self reflection required to state just how accurate that assessment was, or wasn't, did not come easily to him. It was much easier to push his feelings away and hide, rather than confront them.