The Reasons Why

Letter 1

After calming down just a bit, I break down and sort the letters by date.. I open the first one slowly, afraid there might be something in here that can be damaged. It reads:

"May 28, 2015
Dear Brady,
By the time you read this, I'm already gone. I just want to tell you that none of this could have been prevented, and it's not your fault. I loved you more than I loved myself, and you knew that.

Anyways, I wrote these letters to express my feelings because they were too painful to explain to your face, knowing you would try to fix the unfixable.

Ever since I was little I've been bullied about my size. Doesn't matter what it is, if it's my knees, my arms, my thighs, my cheeks; it's too big. I remember the first time I was ever picked on for my size, I thought I was the perfect human being that the world needed and everything about me was flawless. I guess not.

I was leaning back in my chair with my knees propped up against the desk, waiting for my teacher to dismiss us to our reading stations. Just as she decided to speak to our class to tell us what her plans for us was today, the kid who sat next to me raised his hand. Of course she called on him. Guess what he said to the class? "Mason has big knees. They're like watermelons." Those words haunt me to this day, or I guess till the day and very second until I decided to leave the world.

Yes, I understand that it was first grade, but that's when I began to lose self confidence. I began to stress eat because I didn't know what else I wanted to do with my life. Then when middle school came, I was already thicker than majority of the girls. And then came high school, where I just look like an Oompa Loompa next to all the skinny anorexic bitches.

My purpose of these letters are not just strictly to lecture, but to teach you a lesson that might help you progress in life without me, Brady."

Wow. If only she told me earlier. Maybe, she only included this to make me feel guilty for always joking about her gaining weight.. I'm sorry Mason.