Sleepover

Sleepover

Settled in after dinner, I can't wait to turn the light off. You'vefinally relaxed, really made yourself at home.

It only took the entire time you've been here, maybe even your wholelife.

I want to tell you that it's okay to leave unsaid what you want tosay. Sometimes you really do say it best when you say nothing at all.I would know, I've heard all your silent monologues.

Like right now, you're thinking you never would have come this far.You're remembering all your cringe moments, all your awkwardness, allyour disappointments. And I know, you've had more than your fairshare of all of them. Hell, I can even hear you criticising yourselffor things that haven't happened yet. I want to hug you, but the wayyour shoulders are hunched I know that'll just become another ghostfor future you.

I can't help it, even though I shouldn't stare at you. Somehow everymove you make is revolutionary.

Even you would brush tangles out of your hair.

Even you would scratch off the dead skin forming on your face.

Even you would brush your teeth like the dentist told you to.

Somehow it's just so surprising how normal you can be, just like me.

And yet you seem ashamed of it all. Like you feel it's expected ofyou to be literally anything else. I get it, though. You're used tobeing in the spotlight even though you never asked for it.

"Wanna turn in?"

You seem embarrassed even about this. But you and I both know thatthis is what sleepovers are really all about. And you're terrifiedall the same.

But you know it would be rude to stay awake with the light on. Youclimb into the blanket on the roll-out futon. I made sure it wasextra comfortable for you, my bed feels too much like me for you tosleep there.

Click.

Your back is turned to me. There's so much I want to ask you, so muchI want to say. But the silence around you feels almost sacred, likethe last thing anyone should do is talk to you. It's sad and yetcalming. I never realised until now how talking just feels likenoise.

"Th-thank you, for this."

"Hm?

You still won't turn around. The darkness completely hides you, yousound more confident, even though by all accounts you're still inenemy territory. Has your voice always sounded so deep?

"I... never thought you'd noticeme."

Are you kidding?

"I've always wanted to talk toyou." Everyone has.

"Really? Why?"

"Just 'cause."

"Just because?"

"Yeah. Do I need a reason?"

"..."

I guess that was the wrong answer.

"The truth is that I wanted toapologise to you."

Now you turn around. "What?"

"I'm sorry I waited this long todo this. To actually talk to you."

You're trying to hide how hard you're breathing. I know all aboutyour anxiety.

The truth is at first I didn't think much about you. You were thisawkward loner, didn't seem to want to talk to anybody. Always sittingin the corner, talking to yourself... and then suddenly I foundmyself thinking about you all the time. What makes you tick? Whatwould it take to make you look my way? Before long I wanted to be theonly one you didn't ignore. I would've been the luckiest girl in theworld.