⚠️TW: ED, SH⚠️
I met Shuri while on a mission and as soon as we met, I fell in love.
I soon discovered that the feelings were mutual and we started dating not long after, we've been dating now for 6 months.
My pov:
I had always struggled with my body image and the way my parents treated me so I developed a eating disorder where I would eat only 1 slice of bread a day, but then my mother started commenting on how that was selfish so I also started putting deep lines into my skin to make her words disappear for a few minutes.
Once I got into a relationship with Shu, I got clean and i've been clean for 6 months now, my sweet, amazing girlfriend found out about my scars 2 months into our relationship and she said "if you ever want to do that to yourself, tell me, cut me while you look deep into my eyes" I quickly understood what she meant and that was a big part of my motivation because I could never hurt her.
My eating g habits were so much better and I was eating full meals until...
One day Shu and I decided to go back to England to visit my parents. Once we got there, the first thing my mother said was "look at you, you've finally gained weight, at least you eat right? And don't throw up after😂😂😂" that really hurt me and I knew not to take those words to mind, but I did.
When we left and got back home Shuri asked me "what was your mother talking about in the beginning? The eating?" "nothing, should we go on a walk, I really could use fresh air. And we could get some bubble tea" "don't try to change the theme, please tell me" I then explained how I had an eating disorder before I met her, but when I met her, it went away because of how often she complimented me. When I was finished talking, we were both in tears and she hugged me saying how much she loves me and all.
I went to sleep that night and as soon as I closed my eyes, I woke up again but it was pitch black, I was having a nightmare! I hadn't had these in 2 years. I started hearing voices "go to the gym" "eat less you fat pig" "look at how disgusting your body is, your girlfriend keeps you around only to make herself look good" "your scars are itching" "open the scars" "do you know how much you age today? GO THROW IT UP".
I woke up sweating and panicking, Shu was still asleep so I went to get some water, I drank the wanted and went to the bathroom not forgetting to lock the door. And as soon as I saw how my stomach looked from the side in the mirror, I knew that I had to do it. First, I put two fingers down my throat and after a few tries everything I ate came back up, then I took out the little bag I swore I would never touch again, but here I was, opening a bag full of razor blades, pencil sharpeners and broken knives. I knew I had to cut for allowing so much toxins (toxins= food, calories) in my body, I put around 57 deep cuts into my left arm, 20 on each hip and 71 on each upper thigh. I was a crying mess, I put a long sleeved top, making sure to suck my stomach in because I look disgusting, putting on my Nike shorts with a thong underneath to not touch the fresh cuts. I put the sharp metals, where I found them and made sure to drink some water to not have a smelly breath. Then I went back to bed and fell asleep next to my beautiful girlfriend.
I woke up due to my girlfriend putting morning kisses all over my face. She somehow got me to sit on her lap and started kissing me, it soon turned into a heated make out session and she started to take my top off when I realized and stopped kissing her "I want breakfast first" she agreed weirdly, I knew she suspected something because I never and I mean NEVER turn down morning sex, but I somehow got away with it. After breakfast (which I didn't eat and threw in the bin when Shu wasn't looking), I claimed that I wasn't in the mood anymore, which was my excuse for the rest of the week.
A week had passed and it was Monday again and I was only a week clean, I knew that they wouldn't heal fast because they were deep, but I had to somehow hide them for the next month or two. And I hated that.
That night, when I was done showering I went to bed and I saw Shuri just sitting there "why aren't you sleeping" I asked "I want to talk to you" she replied and I suddenly got very nervous. She started talking "we haven't had sex or anything intimate in a week, A WEEK, I know you too well to know that something is wrong, because the only week we don't have sex is when we have our period and that is in two weeks so spill" " I just haven't been in the mood I'm maybe sick or something" I tried to brush it off and got In the bed but I guess she still wanted to talk "I know something's wrong. You've been wearing long sleeved clothes even though it is summer and 30+ degrees outside, you do not wear swimsuit bottoms, only nike shorts and if you don't wear long sleeves, you have bracelets on your left arm, something you want to maybe tell me?" "No, not really" " I saw your face expression when I grabbed you left arm and then upper thing last week, I really hoped that it wasn't what I thought it was. Please, show me?"
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" I only apologized as I took off my shirt and shorts. She gasped at the sight and hugged me and apologized for not helping and told me to stop apologizing and we fell asleep cuddling and crying together.
The next day, she found me throwing up my breakfast, because i had to eat it, because she was watching me eat it and I cried again and again until we started to make out and she ate me out in the first time in a week and it felt so good and then later I felt her cum in my mouth and then we made love.
