It started on the most random day ever .. you go to your friends party last as a last minute plan and you walk into the backyard and you see this boy, the second you looked at him everything became a blur and your heart/ body stops in an instant and it makes you stop and question what just happened... something wasn't normal about it ... there was an instant attraction and obsession with the feeling ..
It never happened to you before but when you looked at him .. you knew you looked at him like he was all you ever wanted even if he didn't know you ... even if there was another girl on his arm .... Even if you knew that could've been the last time you ever saw him ...
Everything was off putting about that day , the way you caught yourself staring at him so much , the way you liked it and didn't care if you got caught, the way there was a desperation for him to look at you , the way you immediately thought to yourself "i need him"
And that one little moment when it was just you and your two friends and then him standing at the corner ... you and him stared at eachother like it was nothing ... like you both knew what was happening but it felt too weird to say anything or if you were even sure about the moment ... you both just kinda gave eachother a concerned look ... but still had a smile of your face ...
It made me very delusional, it was so bad i refused to think that you didn't get that vibe ...
You knew nothing about him
Except his name
Jacob
And after all of that he goes missing
No where to be seen or heard of
It made you sad
But you couldn't do anything but ask
"I don't know where he is"
FUCK
so you go home and try to find his Facebook or his Instagram and you don't know for sure if it was actually him or not but you couldn't do anything about it....
Months later
You find out he goes to your school😀
you see him sitting one table across from you and it stops you again and you just stare hard not knowing what to say or do , heart beating fast and that same vibe comes back but there a weird darkness to it
She's the one causing it
He looks happy but its doesn't feel happy...
You would stare at him every morning if he was there ... he most likely didn't know but you did and it was enough for now
This went on for a while but all of a sudden he vanishes again
Everything kinda went by like a blur after that
You just tried to go along with whatever happened for the longest not knowing what happened to him .....
may comes around and you wanted to skip class for the first time ever and your friend decided to help you out and take you to the dance room.
You walk through those doors and see him look immediately in your direction
WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK
idk what the fuck came over my body but i believe i walked towards him first thing and finally said something stupid asf💀
"I like your shirt"
MISS GIRL IF YOU DONT GER THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR WEAK ASS FLIRTING BULLSHIT ...
YOU HAVE SO MUCH YOU WANNA SAY TO HIM BUT "I LIKE YOUR SHIRT" COMEs OUT?!?
BYE
...................
BUT GUESS WHAT
yall friends now and you start hanging out
The way it was so easy to talk to him and finally have someone who had the same interests made you soft
You wanted him so fucking bad
You needed him
There was still a problem tho
Even with how much you still wanted him you let it go to shit instead of fighting
You let it all go not long after finally having him even if it's just a friendship because you felt like a burden in the situation you felt like the problem and you just couldn't ask some simple questions
To figure it out and find how what he's feeling and wants to handle it
Instead you run away from it
.....
You look like your dad now.
...........
The way he made you feel in that time tho
There wasn't much to know about eachother yet but you already felt like this
⬇️
...................
He's want I want, he's the one I want to give my love to.
He's the one I want to put my heart and soul into.
My trust, passion, my fears, my wins, my losses, my everything too.
It's crazy how the littlest things you pick up make you think about the whole future with that person.
The way he holds himself, the way he speaks, his smile, his laugh, his personality, and especially the way he's still keeping himself straight enough to watch out for the worst.
That's what is making me fall harder each day,
And each day I wanna show him more and more how much I want to dedicate my life to him.
.........
I'll call myself crazy for now but if it works out In the future and the trust is completely there and no worries unless it comes from things like financially or family wise those are the real struggles and a real way to prove love loyalty and trust is sticking with your partner through the worst part of life and celebrate together when those are no longer struggles ... I'll no longer call myself crazy...
Maybe modern society has degraded and gaslighted you into making you think you're crazy... but, in reality, you're in love.
But one thing you should realize it's never too early to be in love... it's just too early to let your guard down completely because nothing in life will forever work out the way you want it to.
so remember to keep yourself straight to remember that your feelings matter too remember everything from bad to good before you think everything is perfect... cause now it might be but mistakes always happen... and also remember it's okay to have confidence and seem a little narcissistic don't let people bring you down because of it they're just mad that you're doing better than they are at the time and place they're struggling too we all struggle but we all handle it differently we all feel pain, sadness, anger, happiness. WE ALL HAVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.
But just let time do its thing when it's romantically or self-healing... if you do that and try your hardest you'll win in the end.
........
But a personal reminder to myself that he's the reason I'm thinking all of this so therefore I'm all his until time decides it's real or not.
I love you
~ ash~
P.s this became slightly off topic but this man made you feel so much in an instant it was concerning 😭
