sunny. {HS au}

Chapter Fifteen - Crisp Trepidation

                   The feeling of confusion and dissociation can be enough to knock you sick. Florence could personally vouch for this. 

When you've been in a consistent routine, no matter how mundane, any alteration or unexpected happenings can jolt you like a high voltage current. This sensation nearly crippled her when she first moved to London, and recently she could feel it creeping back.

She could feel the familiar bewilderment itching at her and it was uncomfortable to say the least.

She'd happily go through a massive chunk of obliviousness, where she would forget what she was doing mid task or feel as though she'd just woken up when she was halfway through serving a customer at work. And then enlightenment would hit her like a brick wall. She'd suddenly be blatantly aware of how drastically different her life was from what it had been before. It was a turbulent battle of denial and pathetic attempts to process what was going on around her. And she hated it.

She looked down as she felt the warm pad of Harry's finger touch her hand. It was such a gentle gesture to get her attention and for some bizarre reason it resonated with her just as much as him going down on her the week prior. It was simply a soft act of human touch and it melted her slightly. It melted her internal conversation for a moment. And then the intrusive thoughts came back, reminding her that she could, subconsciously, be starting to rely on his presence a little too much.

He left his finger gently resting on her hand for a moment and looked at her with those round, honest eyes. Two patches of green settled on his soft face, exuding a concerned expression. Florence darted her eyes away from his to identify their location. After being so in her own head for the last twenty minutes, she hadn't realised the time passing, and they were now parked outside Harry's home. An outside censored light had flicked on at their presence, showcasing the splendour of the building it clung to.

"You've been awfully quiet." Harry's voice spoke beside her as he withdrew his hand.

"Sorry."

"Why are you apologising? Jesus Florence!" His volume took her by surprise, and she unintentionally jumped, recoiling away from him slightly in her seat. He unfortunately noticed her behaviour though she'd tried to hide it, and it utterly embarrassed her. She thought he surely must question her sanity and stability each time he spent time with her.

"I don't know." She shrugged and looked anywhere but his interrogating face. She hated annoying people, in any shape or form. She was an insufferable people pleaser, licking the arse of every person she met. If someone appeared to dislike her, she needed to know why, and she needed to put it right. But the moment someone raised their voice at her, she couldn't handle it. 

"I didn't mean to shout." Harry reached his hand towards her again, bringing the same finger to rest on her hand, this time gently drawing circles on her skin. "I just don't understand why you feel the need to apologise so much. Were you made to feel guilty a lot in the past or something? I've never met anyone who uses the word sorry as much as you do."

"I guess. I mean, I often feel things are my fault." She despised talking about herself. But somehow with Harry, she couldn't stop doing it, "I've already bored you enough with my childhood though. It's not worth discussing." She reached for the car door handle to get out before he had chance to disagree or attempt to get her to elaborate.

The cool air enveloped her as she stepped outside, pushing the door closed behind her as she waited for Harry to join her. Thankfully he didn't drag the subject out any further as they headed towards the front door in the evening air of early Spring.

The familiar mid-century décor greeted them as they wandered inside. Though this was only the second time she'd visited, something about Harry's space felt like a home; she felt instantaneously contented in the tranquil confines of his not-so-humble abode.