Diaries Of A Clumsy Waitress

Chapter 3: Table Twenty Seven

August 23rd, 2013

Dear Diary,

I shut the door with a loud bang still hearing Markus' voice from outside. Tears start to come out from my eyes and my liners have started fading away. I let the tears flow down to my cheeks as I wept silently. Leaning on the door, I could hear Markus knocking trying to save our relationship.

"Hun, let's talk about this. Please open the damn door!" he keeps on knocking while I silently wipe my tears away.

"Honey, please...let me make it up to you. I promise I will never let you down again. I will do whatever you want just please open the door... I know you are still there. Emilie...please..."

My sobs won't stop, I wanted to scream and cry my heart out for the pain I feel inside. I have never thought it was this painful breaking up with him. We have had some great moments together in our two months and now I have realized it isn't that easy to let go and just forget about everything. At least for the third time, I broke my heart...

"Go away, Markus. Let's stop this. It's enough, I couldn't take much longer of how you treat me and how you handle our relationship. I am trying...Markus, God knows I tried so hard not to feel the pain. I blinded my eyes over and over just to keep this relationship from falling apart. I did everything...everything. But I guess I will never be enough for you..." my words are almost whisper. But I can hear him wiping his own tears trying to calm himself.

"I'm not breaking up with you." Markus whispered in a very sincere voice.

"After all of this is over, come back to me. I will wait until you can finally forgive me. And I promise that I will make you happy, I will do everything to give the world to you...Emilie..."

His voice faded from outside the door. I wish I could stop him but it was too late. Yet I am still not sure if he is telling me the truth. I have never seen or heard him cried before. Oh, my precious Markus. Was I who was left with a broken heart or was it him? I started to wonder as I buried my face in the pillow and wept until darkness has filled my everything...

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The next evening, I tried to act as if nothing has happened the previous night. My headache is killing me since this morning I haven't eaten any since I woke up from a bad dream. I keep asking myself why Panadol hasn't been so effective to me. I emptied the glass of icy cold water to relieve me from the terrible heat outside, took the washed ashtrays and dried them with napkins before placing them on the tables outside. I wonder how all these people walking on The Walk can withstand the humidity of the place whereas I bathed in my own sweat for staying outside nearly for twenty minutes! Oh I could be dehydrated I even broke my "No Cold Water" rule in drinking. There are more works to do, more Arabic people come to gather and have "red tea" as how they call it, more empty cups to collect from the tables, and additional to my usual routine at work - washing ashtrays! Ugh, I hate it when I wash an ashtray filled with wet ashes from the cigarette, makes me throw up.

"I see you've been making your self busy tonight. You never stopped working, have a sit with me." Khalid offered the other chair in his table. He has been my regular customer at night ever since he came in the shop with the five dirhams tip. I didn't even notice him sitting there as I really tried to fill my mind tending to the other customers in order to forget my heavy feelings about yesterday.

"Oh hello, Khalid! I'm sorry I didnt notice you were there..." I really suck in lying.

"I am okay, Emilie. The question is ...are you?" he looked at me with his sharp interrogating dark brown eyes.

"Um, I'm fine Khalid. Well, it's been a rough day!" I faked a smile. He didn't look convinced...

"You were so preoccupied tonight huh?"

"Yeah, I guess I am, Sir!"

"You know what, I also do the same when something is bothering me. I keep myself busy to forget about it."

I smiled.

"Whatever it is that is making you feel that way, it will pass. And don't look for answers to questions that is not worth your time. Trust me." he smiled.

I'm melting.

Khalid has been observing me the whole night? How about the mistakes I did just a while ago? He was sitting in his favorite corner - table twenty seven for nearly three hours! He must've seen me being laughed at by a British woman whom I didn't understand what she was trying to say. She was all too British and I looked like a dumb old woman who couldn't understand nor hear what the beautiful woman was talking about. I find it too embarrassing when people laugh at me cos I couldn't get what they were saying. And what about the tea I nearly poured to a customer's head? Oh noo!

"Okay?" Khalid snapped. He flashed a white set of teeth to me.

"Thank you!" I nodded and headed to the bar to pick up an order.

I wonder why the company hasn't hired waitresses yet when they knew I am the only staff on the floor . I am making good sales and I deserve to have at least one waitress to help me up! Dahlia is off tonight and it is only me and the barista so I guess all the works are on me tonight. Good. I can bury myself in all these works. I have to get thru the night. And the next shifts after...

"Emilie..."

Markus came into the shop dressed in plain white T-shirt and khaki shorts matched with a nice pair of blue flip flops. The back of my mind tells me to run towards him and hold him tightly. Oh I miss you so much Markus...

"hey.." I tried to act normal and busy.

"Can we talk?" he sounds so wasted and his blue eyes look like he haven't slept enough.

"Can't you see I am working? I am busy Markus. Excuse me..." I glided away to avoid his reaction.

"Wait!" he stopped me and held my free hand one carrying a tray of empty cups. I could smell a hint of vodka from his breath. He's been drinking! The ladies sitting on the table near us were staring. I felt so ashamed.

"Mark you are drunk. Let's talk some other time. Call me when you're sober. I need to finish my work cos I am alone tonight"

"I will wait for you at home. I missed you..." his voice almost a whisper.

"No. Perhaps not tonight. Go home Mark...I've got things to do. You are disturbing me..." I let go from his hands and walked towards the back of the cafe. I need a cigarette...

I tried not to cry but my lacrymal glands aren't participating in my little game playing the Fierce Lady. Perhaps I should give him a chance. I can't let him live like that and fall apart.

Wiping my tears away I recomposed myself and got back to work.

"So he's the lucky-but-now-not-anymore guy!"

Khalid called my attention and asked for his bill. He obviously saw Markus earlier.

"I errr...Umm.." I can't find words to say.

"It's okay. How about we go out on your day off? Dinner and perhaps tea or coffee afterwards?" his straightforward and warm comforting smile sinked into my skin.

"Okay..." Did I just say yes for a date when I just had broken up with my boyfriend nearly 48 hours ago? What a slut!

Another smile and he was gone. Looking at his muscular back underneath his white kandura walking towards his car I wonder how this man I barely knew could make me say yes to a complete stranger.