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❛ DEAR LOVE ❜ ❝ it's an interesting question... ❞
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dear love,
what exactly are you? violet asked that question today. the meaning of "i love you." i didn't understand her question at first. and then all of a sudden she's off to be a doll.
• • •
"what's up with you?" benedict snarls.
"what're you talking about?"
"you're like... in a trance. penny for your thoughts?"
"i'd rather lose all of my money than give you one." you retort, causing benedict to groan and turn on his heel.
"whatever, i don't really care anyways."
"what does 'i love you' mean to you?" you blurt out.
benedict pauses, "penny first." he huffed. you gave in, handing him a penny. he nods approvingly, before pinching his chin in between his thumb and index finger, thinking. "pretty deep question. much too deep for your understanding." he chuckles.
"are you dodging the question?"
"no..."
"yes."
"what?"
"you are. it's an interesting question. a difficult one at that." you hummed. "violet asked me it the other day."
"violet asked you that? i thought she was void of emotion." benedict grumbled underneath his breath.
"maybe that's why she wants to know— so she can write better. but 'i love you' is pretty strong to figure out first." you continued, staring at him. you tilt your head slightly, observing benedict. he was staring. staring hard. not like a trance staring, but his eyes were focused on you. "what?" you finally managed to choke out. for some reason it was hard to talk with his gaze on you like that.
"well..." he started. "it's not that hard to grasp around actually..." he mumbled. your eyes narrowed as you stared at him.
"but didn't you just say—" you start, before being cutoff.
"it's when you care a lot about someone, right?"
"i mean i guess but..."
"but we've never said we loved each other." benedict says, but his monotonous tone had you feel uneasy and a little shocked. your eyes widened and you can feel yourself sweating.
"well yeah but that's different..."
"right. which is why it's so complicated." he began to walk away, signifying the end of that conversation.
if you weren't in a trance before, you certainly were now. what the hell was that about? you ask in your head. but there was another thought that kept circling your mind. benedict cared about you. well— obviously he did... you're childhood friends. but he cared about you. and the way he stared at you with his eyes that rarely ever sparkled, made your heart beat just a tiny bit faster. "idiot." you mumbled. benedict was an idiot. an idiot who cared for you. you didn't like that.
❦
you were finishing up your deliveries, with that one pestering thought in your mind. benedict cared about you. hearing it when you were children was obviously sweet— and different... since hearing it now was like a certain arrow was shot through your heart.
you sighed, putting the last letter in a mailbox. you wondered how many letters of the ones you managed to deliver today had the words "i love you" written on them. you used the phrase lightly, loving to express your love. benedict, on the other hand, you didn't know he was capable of love or even thinking about those words.
so maybe it was okay you've never said i love you to each other before. why did you care? wait, no, you didn't care. you nodded your head, trying to convince yourself that, yes i don't care at all. though it wasn't working because of that frown on your face. if benedict cared about you, why hasn't he said i love you? (which you had already stated why before).
it was bothering you.
bothering you greatly.
• • •
i wonder how she's doing. now i'm regretting not being a doll. maybe being a doll would help me sort out this new issue at hand. benedict. stupid, stupid benedict. how am i supposed to see him the same way now that i know he cares about me? stupid, stupid, stupid!
sincerly, (y/n) P.S, i hate benedict!!!!!
———
guys i lost my borders but i srsly didn't know what to write and its been so long and i haven't been updating 😢 i'm so sorry guys but thank u all for ur support !! i love you guys so much
