Regrets

Chapter 1

Ty's

I really don't know what to do, maybe this is karma. Maybe regrets do always comes last, but why now? Why did I just realize how important and good she is for me? Where did I got the courage to cheat before? How did I manage to hurt this precious girl before? But I am happy, I am happy because she already found her peace. I am happy because finally she's smiling again. She found her self again. Maybe he helped her, maybe she got up herself. I don't know. I can't ask.

"Hey man!" I instantly wiped my tears and faced my friend. I was lost in my thoughts and didn't notice him, if he didn't pat my back I would've shown my tears to him.
"Hey Josh!" I greeted him back with a pat on his arm.
"Why are you alone in this bar huh? I don't see any girls around." He laughed as he looked side to side.
"Nah man, I'm not in the mood for girls." He looked so shocked.
"Why? Are you in pain because Jane cheated?" Oh right, Jane. Jane cheated. How did I forget about her?
"Oh... I just remembered that she cheated... I mean, she's not really that important to me. I mean, it's not because of her man." I honestly answered Josh. He made the "oOo" face right after and I KNEW HE KNEW what I meant.
"Okayyy, I'll leave you here alone. But if you need me I'll be at the dance floor." He winked as he walked towards the girls at the dance floor trying to flirt with all of them. I nodded at him and went back to drinking.

I finished a bottle of Rum and that was my cue to go home already. I mean I am not drunk and it's still 11pm but I need to go home and sleep because I need to be at work tomorrow. But as I payed for my drink, I saw her at the club's entrance. Wearing a red fitted dress that hugged her curves, she's really pretty. I mean no, she's gorgeous. She haven't seen me because she's with her friends and her best friend which is also my cousin. I continued my business, not wanting to go but I must. I went straight to my car feeling like all the alcohol in my system just evaporated in an instant.

"Oh God," I exhaled. Her beauty was truly breathtaking. I mean, she was really pretty before but tonight she was glowing. She was perfect. Why did I have to see her tonight when I just had thought of her?

I started my car and slowly drove away. I want to go back and see her once more but I can't. I don't want to be late for work tomorrow and I also can't take it if ever she'll just treat me as someone she doesn't know. I decided to stop the car, cried my eyes out. Shouted my frustrations and regrets. No one could hear me, no one could see me. I am with myself alone. Why am I in so much pain? Wherein fact I was the one who hurt her. I was the one who chose to cheat. I have so many what ifs. But I composed myself and drove to my house. I went to bed right after I changed clothes and set my alarm for tomorrow.

"Maybe the 'what ifs' will stop tomorrow...maybe" I mumbled as I closed my eyes.

I got up before my alarm went off because I haven't really slept well. The 'what ifs' clouded my mind and kept me awake throughout the night. Just what if... never mind. I finished my morning routine and went down for breakfast since I still have time. After I ate, I got ready to go to work.

"Good morning sir Ty." My co-workers greeted.
"Hi, good morning Allysha, is Jade already here?" I asked if my secretary is already here.
"Yes sir, he's already at his table."
"Thank you!"

I went to Jade's table, greeted him, and asked for my appointments for this day. Today's schedule isn't as hectic as before. I went down to the cafeteria with Jade and we drank coffee to make time pass. Discussed some work stuffs and personal stuffs as well, since he's also my best friend.

"I'm really sorry for what Jane did man. I mean, I knew you guys are not that serious but still." He started apologizing for his twin's behavior.
"It's not your fault man and it really didn't bothered me." I patted his shoulder.
"Josh told me about last night. You're thinking about her again?"
"Yes, the 'what ifs' are back." I answered honestly. He sighed as he patted my shoulder.
"I don't know what to say man, I mean it's been 5 years already. You've been with too many girls trying to move on. But you still can't. Maybe you need to talk to her man. Maybe a closure will fix this."
"I definitely can't talk to her. I mean, I do not know what to say. Do I say sorry? Should I act friendly? What if she won't see me? What if she wouldn't talk to me? What if—"
"Shh. You're at it again." Jade stopped me. I took a deep breath and sighed.
"Breathe, whenever you're ready. Ask her if she's willing to talk. That'll answer everything. But if she doesn't want to respect her decision." I nodded.