DOCTOR WHO: The Odd Life of Nova Sue -- PART 1: Becoming

Chapter 47: New Beginnings

"Give you up again?" he frowns incredulously. "Absolutely not! Why in all of Space-Time would I want to do that again? I would never do that again, no matter how horrible something might be. Why would you even think that?"

I shrug timidly. "I don't know. I mean, after what I did..."

I shake my head. Correction: what I almost did, if my mother-guardian hadn't done it herself. If I'd never made that damn decision in the first place...

I then groan, burying my face in my hands. "It was all my fault. If it weren't for me, she'd still be alive. They both would. But they're gone, and it's all my fault. That was the stupidest idea! I should never have asked Strax to do it! I shouldn't have done anything! I should've just listened to you and stayed in the TARDIS! I was reckless and stubborn, and because of that, that got them killed! I never should've left them in the first place!"

Dad nods understandingly at my words. "Strax didn't choose to put those grenades in place, did he? Someone else asked him to do that." He then deepens his voice to an angry whisper. "It was you. You tasked Strax to put all those grenades in place while we went off to find your mother. Strax did all of that under your order."

"The Silence needed to be taken down in one way or another," I growl in response, shrugging carelessly. "That was the only way I could think of at the time. Since you weren't going to let me do it, I was going to make someone else do it instead."

"Why?" Dad frowns at me. "Why the hell would you do something like that?"

"Why not?" I shrug back, finally looking at him. "After everything they did to us, they needed to pay for everything they did, and this was the price. At least, that's what I thought at the time."

"Nova, do you even hear yourself?" he says in an incredulous tone, shaking his head. "You nearly committed mass genocide! Worse, you made your mother-guardian commit mass genocide! I can't believe you'd do something like that! You have no idea how upset I am about this!"

"You think I'm not upset at what I did?" I snap back. "Of course I am; at least now I am! I know what I did was wrong! I know it was wrong of me to have not cared that what I was doing was wrong! I know I put everyone in terrible danger, which, again, I didn't care about at the time, and I feel awful! God, I feel so awful for what I did, and I know I can't go back and change what's happened, no matter how much I wish I could! I know! I was a terrible friend! I was a terrible daughter! I should've stayed in the TARDIS like you said, then none of this would've happened!" At this point, I can't help but sob uncontrollably, burying my face in my knees. "You must hate me for what I did. It was unforgivable. I don't blame you if you feel the need to give me up again. To ban me from the TARDIS forever. I know I deserve it, and I know simply apologizing will never be enough, but I'm sorry. I really am. I am so sorry."

After a few seconds, my father does something unexpected. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug, even when I feel that I don't deserve one from him. "Nova..." he says in a calming voice, holding me against his chest tightly. "I told you, I would never give you up again, no matter what you do, and I certainly don't hate you. Yes, I'm disappointed that you did this, but I now understand why you did it. You wanted revenge; I completely understand that. Of course I understand that; I felt the exact same way when I did what I did to end the Last Great Time War."

"I know," I speak up. "That was why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd be angry when you found out I was going to do almost the exact same thing to the Silence as what you did to end the Time War. Rather someone else do it and not me. I just didn't expect my mother-guardian..." I begin sobbing again, thinking of her.