Breathe | s.b | bridgerton

11

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"Lily, can you leave us for a moment?" Violet said as she entered her eldest daughter's bed chambers that night, holding Carina's hands, she led her to sit on the edge of her bed and continued, "I have taught you to believe that marriage is the best that life has to offer, and that remains true. But it is not simply a partner that marriage provides." she says, trying to help her come to terms with this taxing situation and find happiness elsewhere.

"You will have comfort and a house to tend, and most importantly, children. You will throw yourself into raising your family, and you will find much joy. I am certain." she says, with tears, guilty, of not being able to take care of her daughter. Of having to tell her to live her life silently and painfully with a dreadful man after she had already given up her childhood for her.

Carina wipes her tears and says, "You and Papa... The two of you were so beautiful, Mama. I knew I could never find something as pure as that, but I did not mind, for I wished to learn and be free more than anything. Yet, when Anthony told me I had no choice, I had to marry, I never dared hope for a love like yours."

"I just wished to have someone who could be my friend, respect me and my wishes as a person. A man with good morals and heart. That is all I hoped to one day find, mama." sobs Carina, when her mama embraces her and says,

"As did I, my sweet child. All I wanted for you was to finally be loved as you have always deserved, and find your happiness, rather than your family's. Only reason I pushed for you to marry, yet, I failed to give you that. I am so sorry, Carina."

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Carina did not know what had gotten into her mama, she called over the insufferable Lady Berbrooke over for tea after returning from the Buckingham palace. Not only her, even Daphne was entertaining the wretched woman. Only, she later found out how her mama and Daphne had schemed to ruin Lord Berbrooke, and hopefully make him leave London and never return.

Carina had never laughed as hard as she did when she read the scandal sheet written by Lady Whistledown the following morning.

It has come to this author's attention that the ton is abuzz with a most sordid tale. It is said one cannot judge a book by its cover. But in the case of the bumbling Baron Berbrooke, it seems his displeasing appearance is quite an apt metaphor for the state of affairs in his household. I would not be surprised if Lord Berbrooke were called away to the country on alleged business... Business which, perhaps, might involve sending some much overdue funds to one former maid and young boy, who we can only hope takes after his mother.

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Carina was facing the mirror in her room, wearing her jewellery, getting ready for the ball that night, when she saw someone in the mirror, "Daphne, Eloise." Carina says in surprise as she turns to face her sisters. It has been quite a few years since her sisters seeked her for any comfort or requirement. Only Gregory and Hyacinth were expected to do so now, since the others had grown out of it.

"Uh... Did you two need something?" she asks as she went and took her place on the armchair and motioned them to do the same.
"No." says Eloise at the same time Daphne said, "Yes."
"Yes. I am... glad this business with Nigel Berbrooke is over for you." Eloise mutters, after a jab in the side from Daphne.
"Thank you, El, Daff." Carina says with a grateful smile on her lips.

"You hear stories about appalling arrangements, and hopeless endings, and... Well, it is all very frightening." Daphne wonders, frightened by it all but beating around the bush due to nerves.
"Daff, you mustn't worry about..."
"Are you not frightened, too, sister?" blurted out Eloise, "Of marriage? Of... children?"

"Even though I do not wish for them anytime in the near future, I find children to be delightful. After all, I have had enough practice with you lot. Though, you are not currently proving my point." Carina giggles, trying to ease her anxious sisters.
"Surely you've not forgotten what happened to Mama? Her screams that night." Eloise enquires, her voice now desperate, for her sister to see sense. She could not bear to lose her just because society wants her to marry and reproduce.

"You tried to hide it by singing to Eloise and me, but her voice... it rattled the windows." Daphne says, void of anything but pain, as if lost in the memory.
"I hear them sometimes still in my dreams. She almost died... mere months after Papa." Eloise says.
"Of course I have not forgotten. Of course... I am frightened. I dare say I would be a fool at this point not to be terrified. You both remember correctly that Mama had a... perilous night." Carina admits in a soft voice,

"But at dawn, the world had Hyacinth, and we are all the richer for it. Yes, there... are perhaps darker turns in these woods than we've been taught to expect. There is light to be found at their end. And I know... one day... you both will find it. You need not worry about anything, I trust your Viscount to love and care for you immensely, Daff."

"And El, I know your disregard for marriage and love, but trust once you do decide to marry, if you shall do that at all, then I shall be there, to guide you through it all, to make sure you find someone who cares for you like mama found papa." Carina says with a smile, and held each of her sisters hand to comfort them.

"It must be taxing." Eloise spoke up, confusing her eldest sister, "What?"
"The game of pretend that you feel you must endlessly maintain, to remain strong for us, to shelter us." she whispers as she stood up and walked away along with Daphne.

And as Carina sat there and pondered over those words, she found them to be true. Too true for her liking, and with a deep breath, she prepared herself for the night's ball.