*WAHH WAHHHH WAHHH!!* I looked at my baby. She's so beautiful. Her cute little curls, her big brown eyes, and her cute little button nose. But i don't want her. I picked up my sweet baby and rocked her in my arms.
"Hush little baby, don't you cry, I'll find a way for you to die, my little baby, it won't hurt, don't worry, I'll let your spirit float." I sung her this lullaby every time she was tired. So when she got older, she'd understand what would happen to her. I placed her down into her a crib and kissed her sweet, warm forehead, and headed to the living room. I took a deep breath and sat on my couch, wondering what I'll try next when she's older.
"I won't kill her while she's young, I'll set up little things as she gets older." I say, staring at the ceiling.
"Every little thing will seem like a silly accident, my sweet sparkle, when one of themselves work, mommy won't have to suffer anymore."
"Suffer with your care, suffer with my hatred for you, I'll be free!" I say ecstatic rolling over on the couch. *Sigh* I can't wait!
Sometimes, I love my daughter, and I love her for giving me the excitement I dreamed of. But I never wanted her. I wanted to get rid of her, but I couldn't. It wasn't like a 1 time fun now full-time mom. It wasn't fun at all. I was raped by my father when I was little, and it didn't stop until the day I was pregnant. I beg and pleaded for my mother to leave him and to let me get rid of the baby. But she refused, and she told me.
"You're the one who seduced my man. You will deal with consequences. You're lucky I don't kick your ass and kick you out." She wouldn't let me abort it. I had to pay for my mistakes, atone for my sins. I shouldn't have been a whore she said. I shouldn't have worn what wore she said. I shouldn't have screamed the way I did cause that turned him on SHE SAID. But it's okay, it will be over soon, I say, turning off my living room light while heading to my room. "Mommyy's~ tireddd, mommyyy wants to die... I could say I regret giving birth to you, but that'd be a lie. You give me the thrill I never had beforeee~. Watching you die won't be a bore. I love you, sweet baby. I'm sorry I couldn't love you. But later you'd thank me when you're gone, And crumbled.. I sing, giving her one last kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let mommyyyyy biteeeee." I sing softly, heading twords my bed to sleep.
