Betrayal

Home for christmas

Mrs. Ella and I talked for a little while longer, before we both decided to go back home again. I called Loki to me and together we went on our way home. Once I got home, I retreated to my room after saying good night to my parents. I was sitting at my desk, when I heard a knock on my door. The door slowly opened and my mother was standing behind it. 'Y/N, can I talk to you?' 'Ofcourse, mom. What's up?' My mother walked into my room and sat down on my bed. 'I'm worried about you, Y/N.' I looked at her confused. 'Why?' 'You have barely left your room since you came home. You only left for food, to go outside with Loki and for the Christmas celebrations. Other than that, you have stayed in here. What is going on?' 'Nothing is wrong, mom.' I said with a fake smile on my face. 'Are you sure? Did something happen at school?' Her question reminded me of the hurt I was trying so hard to stuff deep inside.  My smile disappeared and I avoided eyecontact with my mother. 'You can tell me anything, Y/N. You know that right?' 'I know, mom. It just... it... hurts...' 'What does? What happened sweety?' I heard the worriedness in my mother's voice. 'We broke up...' I always kept my mom up-to-date about my relationship with Mattheo through letters I sent her, but I hadn't yet told her we broke up, because the moment I'd write it down, it would become a reality. 'What are you talking about? You as in Mattheo and you? But, you were so happy together. Why did you break up?' I couldn't tell her the real reason why we broke up, so I had to think of something. 'We both said some hurtful things, when we were both stressed out because of school and... I.... I guess that was what ended it.' It wasn't the best lie, but it was all I could think of. 'But, sweety. Why don't you just talk it out with him. Like you said you were both stressed, neither of you probably meant it. Go talk and let eachother explain why you said what you guys said. It would be a shame to let something like that ruin your relationship.' I wish it was that simple. I wish I could talk it out with Mattheo, but I can't. It wouldn't matter if I did, because eventhough he meant the world to me, I didn't mean a thing to him. I was just a task. 'Promise me you'll try to talk about it sweety. I know how much you care about him and from what I read in your letters, he really cares a lot about you too. Just try to talk.' My mom added when  I still hadn't said anything. I knew my mother wouldn't let the situation go, unless I told her I would talk to Mattheo, so I said okay. I'm going back to Hogwarts in a few days, so I'll see how it goes and if I end up talking to Mattheo. 

After our conversation, my mother left my room again and I started writing. I had tried my best to keep Mattheo out of my head, but he sneaked his way back into my mind. So, I started writing a letter to sort out my thoughts. 

Dear Mattheo,

I hope you're well. I just wanted to tell you, that I don't understand why you had to hurt me like that. You could've talked to me. You could've told me the real reason we were becoming close. I think I would've understood. I wish it didn't have to go like this. I wish it all didn't happen. That our time together was a reality instead of a lie, because you mean so much to me, even after everything. 

And I haven't told you before, but I didn't just care about you. I loved you. I realized it while talking to Pansy after coming back out of the forest. The words that I loved you just slipped out while telling Pansy what had happened, but I knew they were the truth. I truly loved you. And maybe I still do. I know I shouldn't because we're over and I can never trust you again, but I just can't stop my feelings out of nowhere. 

And maybe it's stupid to hope, but I feel like you might've cared about me too. Because, I don't think you're that heartless that you would've strung me on for months just for your father, right? Please let me know I'm right. Because, I would hate you if you did do it just for your father, and I'm not ready to hate you. 

I miss you, Mattheo.

Love,

Y/N

Writing Mattheo out of my head didn't work, but it did make the hurting be a bit more bareble. So, the next couple of days I tried to come out of my room more and spend a bit more time with my parents and Hermione before having to leave again. Sadly, those last few days went by in no time and it was already time to leave again. 'Are you ready to leave?' Hermione asked from the doorway of my room. 'Yes.' 'Hey Y/N?' 'Yes, Hermione?' 'I'm sorry.' I furrowed my brows at her in confusion. 'For what?' 'I heard you broke up with Mattheo and I knew that would hurt you a lot and I didn't even check up on you. So, I'm sorry.' 'It's okay 'Mione. We both know I never would've told you how I really felt. We're both good at keeping our feelings to ourselves.' That's one of the things where Hermione and I are very alike. We both hate to share our feelings with others and won't cry in front of other people unless there's really no other way. 'I know, but I still should've checked up on you.' 'Don't worry about it okay?' 'Okay, Y/N.' 'Now, let's go, before we miss our train.' I knew this would get Hermione to move on from the subject, because she would never want to be late for the train. So, we quickly grabbed our bags and made our way out of the door with our parents. 

A little while later I entered the Hogwarts Express and I saw Pansy entering just before me. I caught up with her and together we walked over to our usual compartment. Once we got there, Theo, Blaise and Draco were already sitting there. The only one missing was Mattheo. 'Hey guys!' Pansy exclaimed when noticing the boys. We said down in the compartment and I was sitting opposite Theo. I looked at him with a tiny bit of worry in my eyes. The train was already starting to move and there was no sign of Mattheo anywhere. 'Where is... never mind...' I started my sentence to Theo, but ending up stopping myself while looking down at the table between us. 'He's already at Hogwarts.' Theo responded either way. I looked up at him hoping he would explain more about why Mattheo was already back, without having to ask. Luckily Theo understood and told me: 'He didn't want to stay at home with his father any longer, so he got back early.' What happened at home, that Mattheo didn't want to stay at home any more and got back early? I kept on wondering about it, until Pansy pulled me into the conversation she was having with Draco, Blaise and Theo about everything they did during the holidays. Eventhough I was glad to leave Hogwarts after everything with Mattheo, I'm even happier now that I get to go back to seeing my friends everyday again.