Matilda | Harry Styles

THIRTY-THREE

"What are you talking about?"

"Well," Ally grinned, "there'll just be one show. Your first stadium show."

"Oh my god," sounded from one of the others - but I wasn't sure who. They all sat up in their seats, now, in awe at the words that had just left Ally's mouth, each of them exchanging shocked glances.

"Eighty-two thousand people," Ally said, bringing her hands up to her mouth, now. She was watching Harry, just like I was, an overwhelmed grin on her face as she spoke. Harry had yet to move, or blink - or do anything. He was simply staring ahead, his mouth slightly agape, as he appeared to try and register what he'd just been told.

I glanced back at the others, who all appeared to be equally speechless. Sarah had her hands over her mouth, staring at Mitch with wide eyes, and Elin and Pauli were just staring at one another. Everybody was in complete shock; everybody in here was about to play, or work on, the biggest show that they ever had.

Every show that Harry had played so far, had an audience of around twenty-thousand - that, in itself, was no small feat. Whether it was one show, or five, in each city, he sold it out - every seat, every spot was filled, by people bursting with adoration, and he'd grown pretty comfortable with crowds of that same size. It seemed like second nature for him to stand before them, now - but this was a whole other league. This was huge.

I brought my hand over his, where it rested on my leg, trying to coax some kind of reaction from him. I craned my neck around in an attempt to meet his eye, but before I could, he suddenly brought his free hand over his face, tilting his head down.

"Holy shit," was all he murmured, his face buried in his hand as I felt his other begin to shake beneath mine. I latched onto his fingers, breathing out a laugh as the others began to cheer, breaking into applause. It appeared to have finally set in, for everybody, the scale of this announcement - this wasn't only huge, and nerve-wracking, but it was exciting.

I wasn't sure I'd ever quite understood how big of a deal this was for an artist, until I got to experience it along by his side. It was easy for artists to become names, or figures, rather than people - Harry was the first real experience I'd had in seeing how much more there was to somebody famous. I'd have thought a stadium might've been a cool experience, but I'd never have actually stopped to consider what it meant for somebody who devoted everything they had to their music career. This was the peak, for somebody like him - and it was only once I actually entered the stadium, with him, that I realised how big of a deal it was.

After arriving in New Jersey, following the cancellation of the original shows, it meant we had two days free - a lot of which, Harry had spent in meetings with the band on how to make this show even bigger. This needed to be his biggest yet.

I could sense the anxiety in him at any moment we were alone. He'd meet my eyes, appearing entirely overwhelmed; he was nervous, in how he'd hold my hand, or reach for me. I'd kissed his cheek, or his jaw, and squeezed at his hand repeatedly, and I'd attempted to remind him how the only difference, here, was the scale of the crowd - it wasn't his ability or talent that would've changed at all. The meaning behind his show, and the reason everybody was attending was no different from usual.

The last time he'd played a stadium, he'd told me, he'd been in his former band. Never, in a million years, had he thought he'd ever be able to play one again. This time, every person in attendance would be there to see him, and only him. Even somebody who had been famous for as long as Harry had, couldn't wrap his head around it.

He'd barely slept the night before the show. I could feel him tossing and turning beside me, and though he usually fell asleep before I did, I lost count of how long I could sense he was still awake.