A Tale Out of Time

Codex Daemonkulys, Entry #29

1

Concerning Goblins

Goblins are, without a doubt, the most foul, obnoxious, and outright repugnant creatures ever to blight the Mortal Earth with their presence. Ill-tempered, bad mannered, and downright smelly, the best response to seeing a goblin would likely be an overwhelming volley of high-caliber gunfire, if for no other reason as to rid the world of its sinful existence, if for no other reason than for its affront to the Martyred King (or, so claims the Kingdom of Man).

The Goblin is a disgusting creature in every sense of the word. Hunched at the middle of its spine, the average goblin stands anywhere from 4'6 to 5'1, and typically sports a gaunt frame with a distended stomach, and slightly elongated arms. Its skin is pale green, and pocked with boils and scabs, ready to burst with pus and flies.

First encountered by the Empire in AS 1279, and later by the Kingdom of Man in AS 1301, Goblins have become a scourge upon many in the lands of Elyria, both to the North and the South.

However, no answer has yet been found as to their origins.

- Lord Marshall William Hawke, December 18, AS 1571

2

Grotsnart the Bone-Snatcher

2-1

It is common knowledge, the grotesque nature of the Goblin.

But, amongst his kindred, Grotsnart was particularly vile.

After all, what sane, honorable creature would go about tearing open graves and corpses, only in the hopes of stealing the bones of the deceased? And for no other reason than simply because he fancies them.

Such was the abject weirdness of Grotsnart.

2-2

Grotsnart was first discovered in June of AS 1319, terrorizing the town of Wrensmarch (a well-to-do village in the southeastern lands of the Kingdom of Man) with a horde of his putrid kinsmen, and demanding the folk there allow him to steal all their deceased from the graveyard, so that he might avail himself of their most beautiful bones.

Shocked and horrified by this demand (and by the ungodly stench of the occupying Goblins and Goboids), the townsfolk rose up, and in brutal fashion, butchering the Goblins, up to and including Grotsnart's right hand gobbo*, Tormik Pigeonbrain (a gobbo who lived up to his name in every way, and was likely responsible for the slaughter of his kinsmen even being possible, due to the same sheer incompetence that had so deeply amused Grotsnart as to employ him in his service), who had his head severed and punted back at Grotsnart himself.

When the still-warm cranium of Tormik collided with Grotsnart's forehead, most assumed the little bastard's neck would simply snap (as Goblins have particularly brittle bones, and are not overly reliable in the way of protection from blunt force trauma).

Unfortunately for all in the village, however, it only knocked Grotsnart off of the overturned wagon he'd been using to grandstand and pontificate to his "hostages" (three confused children and a deaf, blind, three-legged goat), and sent him screaming in terror back to Goblin Mountain, without his sought-after bounty of calcified remains.

The story of the Bone-Snatcher was presumed over, but soon, he would return, and with an even greater horde.

2-3

In July of AS 1321 (Grotsnart had sworn he'd be back in two weeks, but Goblins are notorious for being terrible with math), Grotsnart returned to Wrensmarch with a truly nightmarish horde, numbering some 150 gobbos and 25 Greyskins (see Entry # 19-1: Concerning Orcs), all in the effort to take for himself the only treasures that mattered: bones.

To Grotsnart's credit, he was far more successful in the second attempt than he had been initially. For one, he actually retrieved a few bones. However, he was again forced to flee after a detachment of Warden Knights, led by Shield-Warden Ezekiel Thrawn, fell upon the town, butchering the Greyskins and goblins, with only Grotsnart fleeing, this time with his sought after bones (though far fewer had been retrieved than he'd hoped).

2-4

Grotsnart would not be seen again until AS 1330. However, when he re-emerged, he was not so foolish as to harass the town of Wrensmarch again. However it occurred, a goblin had actually learned from its mistake.

Instead, he and his greatly diminished horde (which now also had several hob-goblins and gremlins within it (of whom Grotsnart was not overly fond)) now came to the gates of the city of Balenfell.

Any who know the sad history of the once glorious Kingdom of Man know the tale of Balenfell, wherein the soul of the Regentia Ascendarii, Lady Angeline the Risen (Hallowed be her name, and loved be by all) was lost (and in so doing giving birth with her final death to the Wretched King), will also likely note at this point in the tale that Balenfell had, to this point, been abandoned by the Kingdom and Empire for over 500 years.

However, as previously noted, Grotsnart was terrible at math.

This, unexpectedly, was to be a great boon for the goblins and gremlins and hobgoblins under the Bone Snatcher's command.

After all, if one wishes to find bones, they must simply find an open grave.

It is unknown precisely how many bodies were stolen from the former Throne Capital, but even one tooth would've brought on the events to follow.

The Kingdom of Man, as well as the Empire, would declare open war on the tribes of the Orcish Isles as well as the Goblins of Goblin Mountain. The Kingdom declared war on the 14 of April, AS 1331, and the Empire would join in this war in late August of AS 1332.

So began the First Goblin War.

It is unknown after this what exactly befell the Bone Snatcher, but it is believed that he fell in the Battle of Gobbo Peak, in AS 1335, joining his vast collection of bones in a mountainside grave.

So ends the tale of Grotsnart the Bone-Snatcher

- Lord Marshall Emat Thorn, April 12, AS 1575

*: Slang Term for Goblins