A Fiery Dalliance

XXXIV

"Don't say that," Joe said hoarsely. "Do not congratulate me. This is a tragedy."

Ed didn't move, but he nodded his head. "Father told me what happened ... rather gleefully. I know this is not how you would have wanted this to occur."

"I didn't want it to occur at all," Joe retorted. "Perrie doesn't deserve this."

Ed nodded his head, before he carefully walked into Joe's bedroom, shutting the door behind him. "She does not deserve to be wed to you, do you mean?" Ed deduced.

Joe stiffened as he nodded helplessly. "She deserves better," he murmured quietly.

"What is it that Perrie deserves? Does she deserve a man who loves her beyond reason? How fortunate for her, then, that she has found herself betrothed to such a man."

Joe felt an additional layer of guilt settle upon his shoulders as he received such words from his brother. Joe had barely been able to speak to Ed since discovering his secret, and Ed had been in clear pain because Joe had not been able to forgive him. And yet, despite this, he was still looking after Joe as he always had, seeing the best in him when Joe could only see the worst.

"I knew you were in love with her the second you realised she was hiding behind the drapes in the library the day I arrived at Ashwood," Ed continued. "Had I known that the Peregrine you used to write me of was a girl all those years ago, I might have known a lot sooner."

"I hated her," Joe whispered.

"You loved her. You might not have known it was so, but you did. I know that the circumstances of last night were less than ideal, but don't punish yourself. It might be a blessing in disguise. You get to wed the person you love. Some people never get that chance."

Joe winced. He did not mean to do so, but his body naturally flinched when the gravity of his brother's words settled upon him. Ed was right, of course. Joe did love Perrie.

But love did not matter when one of the two parties was unworthy of the other. That was something that Joe was all too well aware of.

But Ed's other point hung in Joe's mind. There were people who deserved such a chance who would always be denied it. Despite the secrecy, Ed had always been the better of the twins. He was good, kind, decent and worthy. His selflessness was second to none, and Joe was quite convinced that Ed had saved his life on more than one occasion. Ed had taken it upon himself to keep Joe safe, ever since they were children. Ed was Joe's champion, and he had never once faltered.

Except ... "Why didn't you tell me?" Joe asked, the question falling out of his mouth.

Ed did not need to clarify the vague question. "You were all I had, all I cared about in this world. My biggest fear was having you look at me like you did when you saw me in ... at the club."

Joe could feel the contorted muscles in his face very distinctly in his memory of the other night. He could not imagine the horror that Ed would have seen on Joe's face, but Ed misunderstood it.

"I wanted to tell you. I tried so many times. I started and burned so many letters. I wanted nothing more than for you to know me and to tell me that you could still love me even if I bring you shame."

The truth of it all burned in Ed's earnest eyes.

"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it was not a shock," Joe said quietly, "but you could never bring me shame, Ed. I could never be ashamed of you."

Ed began to tremble, and as he did, Joe abandoned his bed in favour of standing at his brother's side.

"I wasn't hurt because of your truth, but because you kept it from me," he explained.