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I've never really been good at accepting rejection

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I've never really been good at accepting rejection. I absolutely abhorred, loathed, despised, — practically any big word in the dictionary that meant "hated" — rejection. It was one of those things that stemmed from my childhood trauma and despite my many years of self theraputing, haven't gotten over. 

"Earth to Amani? Did you just blank?" My older sister, Deyjah's, voice sounded through the speakers of AirPods that rested in my ear.

"Yeah." I sighed, swiping her face to move the FaceTime video to the side of the screen so I could scroll through twitter without putting her on pause.

"I'm guessing it didn't go too well."

"That nigga had the nerve to say 'I don't need you.' Straight to my fucking face, and then tried to walk away!" I could feel my nervous system react to my sudden mood changes as I started getting hype all over again. The moment replaying in my mind each time focusing on a different aspect to make me madder. "Like who the fuck does this nigga think he is?"

"That's some disrespectful ass shit." She shook her head, talking while applying the 2nd layer of bold hold glue to her forehead. She was preparing for her nightly shift at KAMP Houston, where she was a bartender.

"I know, AND THEN he kept calling me shit like sweetie and baby girl." I crossed my eyes, pointing my finger down my throat pretending to gag. "Like boy, please stop."

"Is his voice sexy in person, atleast?" A slight smile formed across her face knowing her question was out of pocket and off topic.

"Deyjah, really bro?" I squinted, knowing she was genuinely curious. I was telling her all these negative attributes and all she could focus on was his voice? 

"Whaaaaat?" She laughed. "Honey, I bet you was getting so wet when he was calling you that shit." She stuck her tongue out. "I know I would be."

"No ma'am." I laughed shaking my head. "Fuck his sexy ass voice, when that personality sucks, that shit don't matter." 

"So you do admit it was sexy." She pointed at the camera with the rat tail comb.

"Guuurrrrlllllaaaa." I laughed, "It was sexy but that's not the point right now. He's a dickhead so that cancels that shit out."

"Okay okay, fuck him. He doesn't deserve to have my Amani Danielle McCaphrey on his team anyway." 

"Yeah, but she needs him on her team." I pouted. I had to get this boy to sign, but I had no idea how. I needed a fucking miracle. Maybe I could pay ice spice to slide in his DM, and have her hype me up. Niggas love ice spice, right? They'd do anything she says.

My phone vibrated and Brian's messaged appeared on the screen.

Brian 💅🏿👯‍♂️: Streets say Alfonzo is trying to sign Morant too. You better step your game up and fast !!!


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Her words were on a constant loop in my head and I didn't know why

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Her words were on a constant loop in my head and I didn't know why. Usually I wouldn't care about what other people thought or said about me. It'd go in one ear and out the other, but she made sure I felt that shit.

If you didn't need me why did your dad contact me?

Memphis Grizzlies star PG Ja Morant lives up to his name. BUT, he's not worth more than the trouble he's causing and if he doesn't get his act together he's getting dropped like Dillon Brooks. 

Her words were on a constant loop in my head. Was the Grizzlies really thinking bout dropping me because of how I've been acting? I heard rumors because of my dad, but because of me? Naw, can't be true.

"I don't doubt Dad probably did call her. You know that nigga like to overstep and micromanage, and the fact that we not on good terms would be even more of a reason why he'd send someone else to do his dirty work."

My sister, Teniya, nodded her head taking a bite out of her pizza, "I know you and Daddy not in a good place right now, but you know he always looking out for yo best interest. I don't think he being spiteful, I just think you don't want to admit he could actually be right."

"So what you think I should do? Since you got yo degree and you know everything." I teased, I couldn't believe I was asking my little sister for advice. 

"You think she valid?" 

"Hell naw, I ain't never heard of her." 

"So, nigga? You didn't know what deodorant was for the longest that don't mean it wasn't valid with ya musty ass."

I kissed my teeth, she got jokes huh? "Man shut up. Her name like Amani Mctapestry or McCatherty???"

"Amani McCaphrey?! Nigga she valid as fuck, you never heard of her?" Niya typed away on her phone before  she slid it across the table. She had shawty instagram page pulled up. 

"Look she just signed Angel and them. Angel was telling me how she got her a brand deal with fucking Mercedes Benz, and she's the reason why her NIL checks go so crazy now. Shit, if my game get better and I put Mississippi Valley on the map, imma sign with her too. She know where the money at."

"And I'm pretty sure she's the organizer for the OTE girls basketball game in Atlanta next weekend. You coming out there with us this weekend anyway so you should talk to her.... and maybe... talk to dad too while you're at it...."

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