The Double

𝒯𝓌𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓎-ℰ𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉

"Hey," I say.

She doesn't smile but the tightness around her mouth relaxes. "How was the filming?"

"Taehyung was happy with it."

Duna rests her head on her hand, exhaustion in every line of her body. I take the tea from her and place it on the table, then hesitate. I didn't know what to say but I cant' stand here listening to the silence build.

"Can I hug you?" I say. I'm not a hugger and always tried to dodge them by standing far enough away to make it inconvenient for someone to grab me. But Duna looks weary beyond belief and in need of comfort.

She doesn't answer for a minute, then dips her head down in a nod. I sit on the couch beside her and place a tentative arm around her narrow shoulders. We stay like that for a minute until Duna sighs, a deep and ragged sound.

"I'm tied," she says in a low voice. "I want to be better. Why can't I get better?"

I commit to the embrace, pulling her up and over so I can get both arms around her. "It takes time," I say.

"That's what the therapist said. I don't have time. I need to be fixed. Now." Her voice rises.

"I know." I wanted the same thing. She curls against me, not crying but breathing with shallow pants. "You should sleep," I tell her. 

"Don't want to."

"Don't want to go to bed, don't want to wake up. Don't want to do anything. Been there. "I'll wait with you until you do. Come on."

I urge her to her feet and she walks over to the bed, where she lets me pull the covers over her. I settle down beside her. "Want me to tell you a story?" 

Duna gives a watery laugh. "Like a kid?"

"There's a reason bedtime stories work," I smile. "You want to hear it or not? It's the one my mom told me."

She sniffles. "Yes."

"It's called the balloon hotel. You know when a kid lets a balloon go and freaks out? This is where the balloons all go when they escape into the sky."

I draw the story out, speaking slow and soft until Duna's eyes flutter shut. Soon she's asleep. I stop the story and wait for a moment, feeling my courage ebb away at the thought of telling Duna I'm done. I can't leave her like this. How can I turn my back on her because I feel bad that some people think I'm her? Duna is flesh and blood. The others are abstract. They're people but Duna is a person.

Even James. It made him happy to meet who he thought was Duna, and can't that be enough?

I have to stay.

I stand up from the bed. I'm not perfectly happy with my choice but it's only for another few weeks. I'll learn from this. I have learned from it.

Ira isn't there when I leave. I head back to my room and take a few minutes to compose myself. When I've splashed some water on my face, I text Taehyung and tuck the power trio in my bag—card, key, and lipstick. Taehyung arrives in black pants that hit his ankles and a light gray shirt. I'd have huge sweat stains under the arms of a shirt that color within seconds.

He looks into my face. "Suzy?"

"Duna was fine."

"I'm more concerned about you?" He comes into my room and shuts the door. "Was that difficult for you?"

"I'm fine," I assure him.

"Duna likes you," he says. "She hasn't had a friend in a long  time apart from me."