calendar ↠ the boyz

twenty five

"I wrote you this letter," he continued. "To apologise for everything. I never wanted to jeopardise our friendship, but I did. And that was so wrong of me. I'll regret it every day, and for that I'm so sorry."

Jinae's features softened as she watched the boy grow more upset by the minute.

She had thought about the incident a lot, she couldn't lie.

She mostly thought about it in accordance with her own actions later that night. She recalled how she kissed Sunwoo when she was in her vulnerable state. If she could kiss him when she felt so low, was it really that bad that Kevin tried to kiss her too?

She guessed she was caught up in the heat of the moment, and maybe her own underlying feelings. But maybe that was exactly how Kevin felt too.

"Thank you," Jinae nodded, pursing her lips before smiling at the boy. "I really appreciate it, Kevin."

"I'll apologise every day for it," he continued, the girl shaking her head. "I just don't want to lose you as a friend, and I'll spend every day proving how much I mean that."

"You're silly," she smiled sadly. "I forgive you. Everything is fine."

"Just need a little signature here," Jacob came into the room loudly, standing in between the two. "Oh, sorry. Take your time."

"It's fine," Kevin shook his head with a laugh. "I can sign everything."

Jinae left the two to sort it, taking Mylo by the leash as Kevin offered it to her. Walking away, she smiled to herself as she placed the flowers upon the table.

Searching for a vase, the girl overheard the two talking. "Wait, is that an accent I hear?"

"Ah, you can tell?" Kevin laughed, the girl laughing along as she went about her duties.

Jinae sighed as she reached her street. She was exhausted today, much like every other day - even if she convinced herself she was managing it better.

Smiling at her front door which signalled her eventual arrival to her bed, she approached it as quickly as she could.

Not before she clocked the figure leaning against her neighbour two doors down's garden fence.

Approaching, she felt her heart quicken in her chest. She could recognise that silhouette even in the darkest of places. "What are you doing here?"

"I was waiting to see you," Sunwoo spoke quietly as she was now before him. "Let's take a walk."

"Why? It's almost pitch black-"

"And I'm here so it's okay," he reasoned, his eyes trailing behind her. "I don't want your brother to see."

Mumbling a quick 'okay', the girl trailed behind him as they turned onto the next street. She watched the way he walked, he always had such a casual demeanour - now was no different.

They walked in silence for a little while, Jinae assuming that he wanted to be as far from her house as possible. It didn't help that they weren't going in the direction of his house either.

"What are we doing?" She finally asked.

She swore she could feel her heartbeat in her mouth as the boy stalled, turning to nod his head at the all too familiar wall they had found themselves sitting upon that night when they were drunk.

If she squinted her eyes enough she could see the outline of the two of them dancing on the patch of grass, their laughter echoing the empty streets at midnight.

"I spoke to Sanha tonight," Sunwoo broke the silence. "That's why I was there."

"That doesn't explain why you waited there," Jinae mumbled, eyeing the boy as he stood awkwardly before her, hands in his hoodie pocket.

"I'm glad he doesn't hate me," he chuckled, shaking his head. "What happened that night, Jinae, it shouldn't have happened."

The girl looked up to see him nervously biting his bottom lip, his eyes floating everywhere but hers. It was like he was afraid to look at her, and that was the truth.

He was convincing himself.

"We were drunk, and that was my fault," he continued, looking to the ground now. "I shouldn't have convinced you to drink with me-"

"You didn't convince me or force me to do anything," the girl interrupted. "I drank with you because I wanted to."

Sunwoo almost grimaced when he felt his heart tighten in his chest. The way she looked at him now was surely all he ever wanted, but now that he had it - it felt bittersweet.

"I always wanted to kiss you," he said bluntly, the girls eyes widening. It was as though he couldn't stop the words that rolled off his tongue. "Hell, I could even pinpoint exactly when."

"Sunwoo..." Jinae trailed, stepping forward from the wall.

"It always felt so wrong," the boy continued. "Liking you,... wanting you."

She stopped before him, her eyes trailing his face as he looked anywhere but her. She would beg for him to look at her if she didn't agree with what he was saying.

He was her brother's best friend - it was wrong.

"What now?" Was all she could ask, unsure of what she wanted either.

Sunwoo knew what he wanted deep down. What he wanted was for things to go back to the way they were. He could pine for her and be there for her without crossing the line, but it was hard when that line was already crossed.

Crossing the line with her meant feeling the sensation of her lips upon his every time he looked at her.

Crossing the line with her meant feeling guilty every time he hung out with his best friend.

"My loyalties are with him," he eventually spoke even though it pained him to say. "He doesn't want anything going on between us and I have to respect that. You should too, Jinae."

How she wished he would have been blunt. She looked between his eyes that eventually reached hers, not needing to search for the sadness in them.

She smiled sadly, understanding him completely - and he was grateful.

Her eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of his presence nearing her, just to feel a kiss upon her forehead.

Offering his arm weakly as she glanced up at him, his heart panged in his chest. "Let's get you home, then."