Heads or Tails (ManxMan) [Undergoing Major Editing]

Chapter 1

Zion Sullivon

Here I am, sitting alone on a bench near the park. The rain is still pouring, and I let my tears flow down my face. I look down as they fall on the red velvet box in my hands. I was supposed to propose to the love of my life today. Four years of us being together. Four years, and it all went down the drain just because of me. All because of me.

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An hour earlier

"Honey, I’m back home," I said, entering our shared apartment. I landed a small kiss on Gia's lips. We have been dating for four years now, and today I had decided to take the big step and ask her to marry me, to make me the happiest man in the world.

The only thing was, she was acting quite strange today. I hoped she didn't find out that I was going to propose to her. God, I had one job!

"Hey Zion... let's take a seat. I need to talk to you about something," she said.

"Wait... Zion? No love? No honey? Did I do something wrong?" I thought. Without wasting much time, we headed towards the kitchen, and I took a seat across the dining table, facing her.

"I, uh..." she started, trying to tell me something. I wondered what it could be. Is she pregnant? Oh, I would love a child waddling around the house with its tiny feet. I prefer having a daughter so that I can spoil her with my love. I want to be the dad who cheers for his daughter and stays by her side forever. Imagine during a soccer game, my daughter would be rocking her cheer routine, and I would cheer for her from the sidelines. How cool would that be!

While I was making up scenarios in my head, my girlfriend snapped me back to reality.

"Yooo, Earth to Zion!" she said, breaking me out of my trance.

"Did you even hear what I said?" she asked, distressed.

"Uh, can you tell me again, please?" I asked, hoping it was something positive.

"I think we should take a break." The moment those words left her mouth, my smile faltered. This was a huge blow to my face. This couldn't be happening!

"Please tell me you are joking, love! After four freaking years together?! You can't possibly do this to me!" I said, agitated. This couldn't be happening. If this is a nightmare, someone please wake me up!

"I am dead serious," she said, looking dead-pan into my eyes.

"Why so suddenly?" I asked.

"Do you think this is easy on me? Every day you go to work, I am here worried sick about whether you'll return or not! You never tell me where you are going or what you are doing!" she yelled.

"You know what my job is! You can't possibly be asking me to share classified information. You know I can't share that!" I fulminated.

"Well then, this relationship cannot go on. What if we have a kid sometime after? I can't have a kid worrying about its safety every passing minute because her father deals with the worst criminals to ever exist!" she fumed.

"You can't possibly be asking me to quit my job!" I yelled back. I couldn't believe my ears. This cannot be the woman who told me that she would be by my side through all the obstacles we face! She was making me choose between the two loves of my life. This job wasn't just a job! I dealt with criminals to ensure a safe environment for the citizens. The world won't change within a day; every day a new criminal is born. Who knows what they have gone through to commit such crimes or who has influenced those little kids to do such crimes? I wanted to save those children. I can't possibly stop now!

"I... I know I am being selfish. But please try to look into this situation from my point of view. I know we have talked about trying to conceive a child, but I have this one dreadful question dwelling in my mind every time I think about it. What if one of the criminals breaks free and comes after our kid? What if they get you? I can't deal with the pain of losing you or our child. So I believe it's better to cut off these strings rather than pulling them tighter. One day I might lose you, and these strings might strangle me to death," she said, tears streaming down her face.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't see her like this. It hurt me even more to realize that she had been hurting all this time, and I was so engaged in my own work I never tried asking how she felt. If she wanted to let go of these strings, I could do only one thing: let her go.

I looked at her one last time. I gave her the longest hug I could. I kissed her forehead. My dreams were crushed, but so were hers. She looked miserable. Her brown locks spread across her face. She looked more feeble and pale and had dark patches under her eyes. Did I really make her worry that much? She was indeed right. God knows what would happen if one day a criminal breaks out and hurts them. I can't handle losing her.

"If this is how it's going to be, then fine. If this makes you happy, then we should break up. Give me thirty minutes. I will pack up and move out," I said as I walked to our room and started packing.

"You don't have to move out," Gia said.

I knew deep down that the more I stayed with her, the harder it would be for me to let her go. So I left.

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So here I am, miserable and alone. The rain has stopped pouring, and I have nowhere to go for now.

"Hey Z!" I heard a voice call out to me. I looked up to see it was Phil. He works with me in the same department. I bet the boss had sent him out for me. I have been ignoring all calls for the past hour, so it's only practical for him to track me down. After all, I don't have a normal life, do I?