The Tortoise and His Sunrise | ✓

24. Raw

Sucking in a sharp breath through his teeth, he jerked his whole body backwards and dropped the curtain back in place. He gripped his right wrist with his other hand, as if to steady his trembling.

"Nolan ..."

I took a hesitant step closer to him. He abruptly slumped to the floor, his back against the wall, still holding onto his wrist. He drew his legs closer to himself, with his knees bent and facing upwards. His whole form shaking, he gasped repeatedly for air, scrunching his eyes shut.

I fell to my knees beside him and put my arms around his shoulders and knees, tucking my face into the crook of his neck. A fresh wave of heat rose at the back of my eyes, tipping over some of the new tears that were welling up. The guy I loved was in so much pain, and I couldn't do anything to help.

"I'm here for you," I murmured. "I'm here. You're not alone ..."

A quick downward glance informed me that his hand, looking like it'd been viciously torn open from the inside, was quickly mending itself. With each passing second, the inflamed skin rapidly cooled to its regular color and pulled itself over the open wounds. An invisible suture pulled them together, repairing the broken skin and multiple holes until his hand returned to its original unblemished state.

"How painful is it?" I ventured.

"Like someone's gouging out my flesh ..."

A tiny sob choked out of him, and then he drew another harsh breath.

I pulled back slightly to look up at him. Watery green eyes met mine. The corner of his lips tugged upwards, but the smile looked bleaker than ever. My heart shattered into a thousand shards at the sight of his tears. Looking at him like that, all I wanted to do was hold him forever until he was okay.

"This is who you're dating," he said, his voice breaking in every other word. "Who am I kidding? Someone like me can't be with anyone. I can't even blame you if you want to leave."

"How can I bear to leave you?" I whispered, fighting to speak through the enormous lump in my throat. "I love you."

"For how long?" His voice was toneless. "How long can you love me until it all becomes too much? We were overestimating ourselves right from the start."

I held him tighter, so much so that my arms were starting to strain from the amount of strength I was using.

"Don't say that." It was my turn to cry. "I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I was so scared of—of everything. I should never have let anyone get to me like that. You're the most important person in my life. I just ... I just couldn't ... I couldn't bear to see all those people look at me funny—"

He broke out of my embrace. My hands fell back down to my side.

"It's not just this. It's not just this, don't you get it?" Frustration seeped into his voice as he looked down at his hand. "I can't go out with you in the day, and if I stay awake even a little longer than I should, I can't stop myself turning into a bat. And then I can't even talk or hold you and be there for you like any other normal person can. We can't spend a whole day out together like normal couples. We can't explore the world together in the daylight. I can't eat with you, and your parents are getting suspicious about it—and don't tell me otherwise; you know I'm right."

"But I don't care," I said desperately. "I don't care that you can't be out in the day. I know you love me and that I'm important to you. That's all that matters."

"You deserve better than being with a guy who turns into a bat and can't even present himself as your boyfriend when that happens. In that form, I can't do anything for you."