Nora Haley is Coming of Age

Chapter 1

It's only a couple of hours away , it's only a couple of hours away, it's only a couple of hours away, it's only-
I halt my thought process. No amount of reassurance is going to make me any less anxious. If anything it's making it worse. I always thought I'd be excited about leaving my family behind, excited about finally getting to figure out who I am. Right now, all I can think about is how sad I am. I love my family, I don't want to be away from them. I spent so much of my time with them being angsty and miserable that I didn't ever have the room to think about how much I appreciate them.
"Look! I see the dorms."
Fuck, It's really happening. Maybe I don't even want to go to college. I can tell my dad to turn back around and I'll go get a full time job at a bookstore or something. I'd be perfectly satisfied.
Except, I wouldn't be. I know that deep down. I know that despite how anxious I am, all I've ever wanted was to go to school and become a lawyer. I'm one of those few people who stuck to the plan I made for myself when I was 13. The closer we get to campus, the more real it feels.
I look at my parents, I'm the oldest of 4, so this is the first, and maybe last knowing my siblings, time they've experienced something like this. They haven't said anything about it, but I know it's hard for them. We've always been close and I know that despite how close my school is, they're going to miss me. A lot.
I cant think about that right now. I'll just start crying and if I start, I'm worried I won't stop until I vomit or something. Instead I think about my roommates. There's two of them. Charlie and Erin. I've talked to them both a little bit on snapchat, but I don't know a lot about them. We were randomly selected to live together, so the best I can hope for is that they aren't crazy. I also hope they aren't bigots.

I turn to the lesbian flag pin on my backpack. I don't think I can handle a whole year of living with people who think I'm a sinner, or perverted, or who think I have a crush on them even though they're completely not my type and I've never once had a crush on a straight girl.

I've never actually seen them. I tried to look them up on instagram but they both had private accounts and I didn't know if it was creepy to follow them. From the few conversations we've had, they seem nice enough, but I'm not about to ask two random strangers how they feel about gay people completely out of the blue. I don't need them to be my best friends, I just need to be able to comfortably live with them. I hate that I even have to worry about this. I should be able to meet new people without fear that they'll hate me for something I can't control. I love being a lesbian. I love my community. I didn't even realize I was queer at all until last year, so this is all kind of new to me, but I've never felt more like myself than I do when I interact with other lesbians. I don't know any in person (yet), so all of my interactions with other lesbians have been online, but from the small amount of connections I've made, I've grown more comfortable with myself.

Maybe my roommates will be queer. Maybe I've been worrying for no reason. But as long as I expect the worst I won't get disappointed. I won't know until I meet them, which I realize is happening very very soon.

I snap out of my thought spiral and realize we've pulled into the dorm parking lot. Which means it's happening now.