We were only kids

Where'd all the time go?

I sit completely still with my legs spread and my hands resting lightly on my lap. I should probably act more lady like in a place like this but that would only be necessary in the old world.

This is the new world.

I stare at the blood stained wall and all I can think about is how the hell did I get here?

I know exactly how I got here, I walked, but was it if my own free will?— of course not! I haven't had free will in four years. Four whole years. I put my life on the line every single day just to sit here and wait to be executed.

Really, I could walk back out, I'm not even restrained. I don't think these men would try to stop me— they flinched when I walked past, but if I walk out does that make me just as bad as the rest of them? Even worse, who will be after me? Will they be worse than what I've done or will it be some other innocent teenager that just wanted to survive?

I'm not innocent but I survived.

I don't even want to survive anymore. Survival takes too much energy. I'm not walking out because all I want is to be shot in the head just so the pain and the voices will stop. Execution isn't like suicide, Scott wouldn't be able to stop it...

I stare at the wall so long I start to drift completely from reality again. Everything just kinda stops. The colors blend together and the bouncing of Scott's nervous leg stops ringing through me ears. I don't even notice when his fingers gently wrap around mine, out of the sight of preying eyes.

I wish I could take back time. I wouldn't take back just a day or two, I would go all the way back through the four years.

If I would have known four years ago that I'd be sitting in the Moscow sector and waiting to die, I never would've gotten out of bed... or would I?