I could talk with Aldon though, we could be friends. Would it be better to choose the ones who you could see yourself getting along with? Or should I go for the one that sends my body burning just by being near him?
"I..." Blinking I tried to straighten out my thoughts, but they continued to swirl most featuring the dreams I've been having. "I don't know."
"Maeve," Killian grabbed my hand, I hadn't even noticed he had gotten closer, "Come. We should have a moment to talk about this before you make any firm decisions."
"Okay." I heard myself agree, but sounds seemed to come from far away. My mind had sunk below the surface, hiding me from the unknown.
~~~
"Are you okay?" Fia asked, relaxing against the multitude of fluffy pillows on her bed.
"I don't know what I'm doing." I confessed, flopping down on bed with her, "I don't want to be with Aldon and Izaak that way."
"But you do with Knox?" She didn't hide her surprise, eyes widening and her voice rising slightly.
"I guess?" It came out like more of a question than it should've, "I seem to get along well with Aldon and Izaak, but I don't want to be with them if that makes sense."
"It does." Fia chewed at her lip, eyes narrowing, "But you do want to be with Knox in a physical way, just not for conversation."
"I suppose," I shifted with discomfort, "I feel like I've seen glimpses of who Knox is or could be, but glimpses aren't enough to tie yourself to someone. Nor is attraction a good enough reason."
"Why not?" Fia challenged, sharp eyes narrowing, "Why can't you be with him just because you think he is attractive? We both know you shouldn't choose Aldon and Izaak. So why are you hesitating?"
"I'm scared," I finally admitted, the confession lightening the weight on my chest, "I don't want to chain Knox to me if he doesn't want me. Especially if we end up not even being able to be friendly with each other."
"Didn't you hear the way Entha was speaking about him?" Fia raised a red brow, "The females there don't want him because it's only him and no one has seen his shift. So... you might be his best choice as well."
"Doubtful." I mumbled.
"Hello, gloomy girls," Killian called, shutting the door as he strode into the room, "Still talking?"
"Unfortunately," I replied, sitting up, "You smell less disgusting now."
"Thanks," He rolled his eyes, taking a seat on the bench by the window, "Have you decided what to do yet?"
"No."
Yes.
Sort of.
"I think Knox is the best option," Killian said firmly.
"Why do you think that?" Irritation crawled across my skin, my fingers tapping against my thigh, "We haven't even known any of them for more than two days. Why do I have to choose either of them yet?"
"Because like you've been saying this is your duty. To better our kingdom." Fia snapped, her teeth gritting together as she glared at me, "You keep saying you can handle this so fucking handle it."
"Harsh," Killian chucked, easing the sharp sting of her words with his laughter, "You have five more days before Rasten wants them out of here."
"Only five?" I frowned, my brows furrowing, "I thought they were here for two weeks."
"He is getting antsy." Killian frowned, "So you need to choose before he makes the choice for you and we all know he wanted you to bond with Aldon."
"What should I do?" I rubbed at my chest, pain splintering outwards.
"Decide." Fia was clearly done with this conversation, "And let me get some sleep."
Killian rolled his eyes but stood anyway, "Shall we?"
"You can go." I stood as well, "I'm going to the library first."
"Of course you are." He teased, waving a hand before striding out of the room.
"Good night, Fia." I said softly, earning an annoyed grunt from her before leaving.
I tried not to take it personally, she must be stressed too. It was never easy to have someone leave. We both learned that when our brothers went to stay in the mountains. The ache that was always there when one of our siblings wasn't.
My way to the library was a slow affair, trailing my fingers over coarse stone. Taking my time studying the tapestries that lined the walls. Some of them depicted old rulers, others fierce battles.
My father had never been meant to rule, not like this. Not without my mother to guide him. It was her bloodline that started everything. It was her blood that gave us green eyes and deep red hair. I only knew things about her because of my brother and some of the books in the library. They weren't focused on my mother, just talked about the legacy of our family.
My mother had been an older sister, just like me. Except her younger brother passed away when he was only one. Some of the books say he drowned in a tragic accident. Others hinted at foul play. His name was Tri and he was going to be the next king. Sometimes I found myself wondering that if that baby had grown into a king what he would have wanted for the kingdom. I imagined a brighter future with an imaginary king.
Who do you want?
Start from the beginning
