Empty Spaces

Chapter 32

"Should we go look at the lights in the square?" Harry invited, wondering what people did with their boyfriends on Christmas Eve. Growing up with the Dursleys and then the war afterwards hadn't really left him with much to go on when it came to dating ideas.

"Sure, that sounds nice," Malfoy said, swiping his wand across the desk, stacking quills and parchment and ink and various other things neatly into a corner. "Give me a few minutes, okay? Let me make sure Aberforth doesn't need anything else before I go..."

The sun was already beginning its descent, casting long shadows with its thin, golden light as they stepped outside into the cold.

"Good day at work then?" Harry asked as they set out for the village square, the icy snow crunching beneath their feet.

"Yeah," Malfoy replied, "Apparently Esposito was having such a nice time that half his family decided to come join him for the holidays."

"Oh really?" Harry pulled his boyfriend closer, raising a suspicious eyebrow, trying to keep the twinges of jealousy at bay.

"Quaint village in the snow covered countryside," Malfoy answered breezily, "A nice change from Rome. And stop looking at me like that, we talk about cooking and the weather. Esposito is nice and all, but he's not you . Why are we talking about this again?"

"No idea," Harry replied. "Have you been here for the holidays before, do they always do the square up like this?"

"I came here only once... I was young, though" Malfoy said, thinking back, "I remember the row of trees, but that's all. Looks like they've gone all out this year, doesn't it? Shall we?"

Harry allowed himself to be escorted through the village square, following Malfoy's lead as they passed seemingly endless displays of lights and decorations. There were several trees draped in singing garlands, while others glowed with enchanted candles that burned different color flames; others were covered entirely in sparkling orbs while some were laden with crystal icicles and more than one were done up entirely in sweets. The sun was nearly gone now, and the growing darkness had the entire square springing to life with the happy, twinkling lights.

They took the long way home, stopping for a hot butterbeer before heading out into the cold once more. Malfoy had made a comment about an invitation to stay the night that had Harry's heart beating suddenly too fast and not enough all at once– sure, Harry had slept at Malfoy's side before, but this was definitely an invitation of a different kind, one that Harry was more than willing to accept.

They walked past shops and twinkling houses, and then the church, music drifting from its colorful stained-glass windows. Its warmth and glowing light stood out in contrast to the cold dark night, and Harry was transported back to another Christmas Eve. There had been a church there, too, and a choir of voices singing songs of hope in the midst of a hopeless world... Everything had been so different.... He had a purpose back then, they'd gone to find answers because that was what Harry Potter did... Back then, he still believed in right and wrong, good and evil... So much had changed in just one year...

"You okay?" Malfoy asked softly, and Harry realized they'd stopped walking.

"Just... remembering," he said, unsure how to articulate what was going on inside his head. "Last year. Everything was different. I didn't think there would be a next year back then..."

"I know," Malfoy replied, "Me too."

They were quiet for a moment.

"It seems so unfair..." Harry said finally. "That we made it here, when there were so many who didn't..."

"It's impossible to look at life the same way afterwards, isn't it?" Malfoy supplied gently. "I don't think that's something that we're meant to understand, though. Why the world is so unfair... Bad things happen to good people while good things happen to bad people. It's awful, it makes no sense. So we do the best we can with what we have."

Harry nodded, taking in the truth of what Malfoy was saying. There's no denying that the big questions are real, but dwell too long on them and they will drag you down.

"Sorry," he said finally, "I don't think this was how you'd planned on spending your Christmas Eve..."

"What are you talking about?" Malfoy asked, "I'm with you. That's exactly how I wanted to spend my Christmas Eve."

"Yes, doing something fun, not dealing with me losing my shit in the snow," Harry admitted.

"I did have fun tonight. And go ahead and lose your shit if you need to," Malfoy shrugged, "This is how this works, isn't it? You take care of me and I take care of you. Come on, you ready to go inside now?"

Malfoy brought Harry up to his room and promptly had two huge mugs of steaming hot chocolate ready for them. Harry took a sip, feeling the familiar warmth spread through his body. Feeling emboldened– was it the chocolate?-- Harry took Malfoy in his arms, kissing him, letting his hands run to all his favorite places... If nothing else, he had this ... How long had he been waiting, how many years had he pushed aside the forbidden thoughts and fantasies and now he had Malfoy properly in his arms, eager and hungry for more...

"Believe me when I say this, Potter, there is nothing I want more," Malfoy said softly, his voice shaking ever so slightly as he ran his hands down Harry's body, gray eyes dark and pale cheeks flushed. "But I want to say it first before anything else happens. I'll do anything with you tonight, anything but... that, okay?" He leaned close and whispered now into Harry's ear. "I'll make you feel so good tonight that you won't be able to think straight until tomorrow. But we're saving the actual sex until the chocolate wears off and I know you're really feeling better, okay?"

Fucking Malfoy and your fucking chocolate and your fucking morals.

And while Present Harry groaned in annoyance, he was at least able to acknowledge that this was something Future Harry would greatly appreciate. He'd waited forever for this moment, and he could wait a little longer for it to be the right one.

They had, after all, survived the war. They had all the time in the world now.