Since Forever

Chapter 9

I wake with a start. What the fuck?!

I don't want to get up the next morning. I can't face Zac. I know he doesn't know what happened but I feel like he'll somehow read my mind and know and hate me. Who has a sex dream about their best friend?! It makes no sense. I don't like Zac. And I'm straight. I mean, I've never actually kissed a girl so I don't know but I know, you know?

Oh. My. God. Am I gay?

"Hey," Zac whispers. "You awake?"

I flinch.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Yeah, uh, I'm awake."

He smirks. "I can see that."

"Right." Of course he can, you idiot.

"Anyway, we're about to go get breakfast. You wanna come?"

I shrug, not really wanting to. I need some time to think. A lot of time.

"Okay. See you later?" he asks hopefully.

I just nod, knowing I'll regret it later.

Zac leaves, followed by everyone else. Ethan is the only other person still in the room and judging by the sound of his gentle breathing, he's still asleep.

I put my pillow over my face and scream into it in frustration. There's no way I like Zac like that. We've known each other for years and I've never felt anything towards him before. Either my unconscious is trying to tell me about a recent development or it's trying to mess with me. I mean, that would never really happen; Zac whispering in my ear, and holding me, and trying to kiss me...

I feel something shift under the covers. That's new.

Ethan's bed creaks and my head snaps upward. He climbs down and reaches under the bed for his suitcase. His eyebrows shoot up when he sees me. "You're still here?"

I nod. 

He shrugs. "Okay. I'm going to breakfast." Ethan gets changed and heads for the door.

Becky catches the door as Ethan leaves and knocks on the doorframe. "Hey. I didn't see you in the mess hall. You feeling okay?"

I shrug.

"Okay...Do you still want to do something today?"

I don't know. Spending time with Becky is definitely better than spending time with Zac right now. "Sure," I sigh.

"You don't sound so sure."

"I am." I force myself to get out of bed. "Let's go."

Becky smiles and follows me out the door. I don't even care that I'm still in my pyjamas.

"So..." Becky says, fishing for conversation topics. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

She shrugs. "I guess. My cabinmates were up until midnight trying to get this TikTok perfect. Sometimes I wish we didn't have Wi-Fi out here."

I laugh. "Are you kidding? We should switch cabins. There's never Wi-Fi in ours." The few times I tried to use it at least.

Becky grins. "Maybe I'll take you up on that." She sighs. "Can we just walk and talk? I don't really feel like doing anything else."

I'm relieved to hear that. I don't really feel like doing anything right now either. "Sounds good."

"Great." 

Becky and I veer onto a path that goes around the lake. It's quiet since everyone else is at breakfast.

"Have you eaten?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "No. I'm not hungry."

"Me neither."

"Really?" she says with interest. "Is there something wrong?"

Yes. "No."

"Oh. Okay." Becky smiles quickly and then lowers her eyes to the path. She sounds almost disappointed.

"Are you okay?"

She shrugs. "Can't complain."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I mean, my life's great, but..." she trails. "You'll think it's stupid."

I lean down, trying to catch her eye. "I promise I won't."

"I think Paul is ghosting me."

Paul, her boyfriend, is clearly a jerk. Becky is one of the nicest people ever. Maybe she's not my type, but she could easily be just about anyone else's. "He can't be ghosting you. Why would he do that?"

"Maybe he wants to break up." Becky plays with her fingers, eyes downcast.

"Don't say that. You're awesome and he's lucky to have you. Give him a chance to explain before you jump to conclusions. Like you said, Wi-Fi's bad, so maybe he can't reach you."

She looks up at me and blurts, "Are you gay?"

My eyes widen. "What?! Why would you—No, I'm—Why do you think I'm—I'm not gay," I splutter.

"Oh. Sorry," Becky whispers, cheeks turning pink. 

"It's...It's okay," I say gently.

She nibbles her lip contemplatively before explaining. "I just thought maybe...You know, because you were being so nice..." She smiles apologetically. "I guess it's just me having a big head. I-I thought since you didn't want me to break up with Paul..."

"It's okay," I repeat. "I don't like you like that, but even if I did, I wouldn't want you to break up with your boyfriend. Break ups are hard and unnecessarily painful. I wouldn't want you to hurt like that." Not that I know. I've never been through a break up.

Becky smiles softly before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around me. "Thank you, Archie."

By now we've passed the furthest point of the lake and started around the other side, facing back the way we came. Over Becky's shoulder, I can see Zac and Alice sitting by the jetty, waiting for the others. Zac lifts a hand to wave but I can't bring myself to wave back. I wonder if he thinks this is some sort of double date; him and Alice and me and Becky. I scowl at the thought. 

Becky pulls back and sees my expression. "Are you okay?" She follows my gaze to Zac and smiles sympathetically. "I know."

"You...do?"

"Yeah. Being left out sucks."

I sigh. She doesn't know. 

I'm not even sure I know.

A/N:

Hi, guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it was another short one. I'm hoping they'll get longer as I go.

So, I know it wasn't technically a sex dream, but to Archie it might as well have been because he was dreaming about his best friend and a guy and everything. I just wanted to clarify that.

Anyway, thanks for reading :)

- Zoe