Monasterio Series 8: Nights in Casa Vallejo

Chapter 42

His eyes darkened. Umigting ang panga niya at nag-iwas ng tingin. Sandali siyang natahimik bago tumungo at bumagsak ang balikat.

I held his broad shoulder, trying to comfort him in any way I can.

"I'll be fine, Terrence. Naniniwala akong tuluyan na akong gagaling."q

He breathed a sigh and looked at me. His eyes were somehow glassy. Hindi ko maiwasan isipin na may mga luhang gustong kumawala doon.

"You will be fine, baby," he assured as if he can control my life. "You have to."

That day, he came with me to the hospital and wait till I'm done with my chemotherapy. Nang kausapin ako ng doktor ay kasama ko na rin siya. She told me that I have to visit her and do my regular check ups every three months.

We have to wait for at least five years to see if I will fully recover from it.

"I cannot assure you that cancer will no longer come back once I declair you cancer free. It's a traitor. You still have to continue your vitamins, medicine and always maintain a healthy lifestyle..." The oncologist informed us. "Live to the fullest as much as possible."

Those words made me feel blue. Kahit pa alam ko naman na posibleng mangyari ang bagay na 'yon ay tila ba hindi pa rin ako handa. Or maybe, it sounds breaking because Terrence was with me. Akala ko, ayos lang na mamatay ako dahil mag-isa lang ako.

Ayaw ko sila makitang nalulungkot o nasasaktan nang dahil sa akin. But maybe, it is my destiny. And no one can change it but the dear Lord. 

"What's the use of the fucking chemotherapy if it won't be able to cure her?" may iritasyon na tanong ni Terrence.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya para subukan siyang pakalmahin. His jaw was clenching. Eyes dark and filled with irritation.

Nagpalipat ng tingin sa amin ang doktora. Tipid akong ngumiti, humihingi ng tawag sa ganoong paraan.

"It's to kill the cancer cells that have been found in her body. But sometimes, cancer cells that are too small can't locate even with this process. Over the time, they grow and multiply in the body. Within that period, symptoms will come out."

Lumuwag ang pagkakahawak ni Terrence sa kamay ko dahilan para tingnan ko siya. He glanced at me in disbelief. I had to look away to avoid seeing the sadness in his eyes.

I do not wish to live a life where I will reach the age of seventy or eighty. Sapat na mga taon lang para makasama ko si Terrence at ang mga anak namin. Magabayan sila hanggang sa paglaki.

I know I should have this kind of mindset before I left my family in the dark. Pero kung bibigyan ako ng pagkakataon na makabawi sa kanila, kahit na sandali lang... gagawin ko.

"Babalik ka na ng Pinas?" tanong ni Ruth sa akin, namimilog ang mga mata na tila ba hindi 'yon inaasahan. "Sure ka na diyan?"

I was looking at Terrence and Duke talking with each other. Nasa labas sila ng bahay, nakatayo habang nakaharap sa isa't isa. Dumating dito si Ruth at ilang sandali lang ay sumunod na rin si Duke.

Kagaya ng inaasahan ko, para na naman silang aso't pusa.

"Iyon rin naman ang dapat kong gawin, Ruth. Malaki ang kasalanan ko sa kanila. Lalo na sa mga bata..." sagot ko. "Babawi ako hangga't may pagkakataon."

She sighed and sipped on the straw of her iced coffee.

"Pay me a visit here. Hindi ko na rin talaga gusto pa ang bumalik ng Pinas. I'm already happy here with Dominique."

Saka ko lang inalis ang titig kay Terrence na siyang nakatingin rin sa gawi ko para ituon ang atensyon kay Ruth.

"Are you two..." I paused. "You know... back to each other again?"