"Dan!" I call out to him from the main room.
"Yeah?" I hear a distance back.
"Will you come here and help me for a second?" All I hear is a groan and an exaggerated 'ugh' in the back and I sigh but smile. "But Dan, I'm naked!" I giggle to myself and with no hesitation hear footsteps padding across the floor and I roll my eyes. I see Dan turn the corner and his eyes are wide with excitement and he grins happily. Although, when he sees me he pouts and slugs his shoulders.
"You aren't naked!"
"Well, under my clothes I am." I smirk."Well then maybe I need to get those off you." He winks flirtatiously as he walks up and rests his head in my waist as I'm stood up on a stepladder so at the moment that is where he is head level."Dan! Come on I need your help!" I giggle, trying to push him off of me as he hangs on for dear life."I know you do baby, who else could be here to fuck that pretty little pu-""DANIEL JAMES HOWELL." I scold at him playfully and finally am able to push him off me. "How dare you sir, there is a poor innocent, star-less Christmas tree in our wake and that is what you think of?" I giggle.
He walks towards the star on he table nearby, observing the lighted, bright, and mostly decorated tree with curious eyes and teases, "Now why can't you put the star on the tree?" He teases with a smirk.
"Because I can't reach." I pout. I didn't really enjoy asking for help, I was too stubborn. And also any excuse Dan could make about teasing me about my height was always taken advantage of.
"Awww, is my little Y/N too short? Does she need her tall, manly boyfriend to help?" He teases with a sly smirk.
"Tall manly boyfriend?" I tease with a raised eyebrow, "If you can find one let me know." I smile.
"Hey!" He accuses and playfully punches my arm and ruffles up my hair like a little kid.
"Don't belittle me you dick." I laugh and he follows.
"Wow, feisty, I like it." He smirks and I just roll my eyes. Without a word he grabs the star from off the table I was standing on and reaches up to take my hand and leads me down and even kisses my hand making me blush and his romantic gesture.
"But seriously Y/N, what the hell else am I supposed to think of? I am a sex-starved horny manly man in need of some major loving." He chuckles and flexes his arms only making me laugh. Well, so much for romance. "All I need is a lovely beautiful sexy just-as-horny- lady to accompany me." He pretends to search around and I roll my eyes. "Oh you there! Damsel with the gorgeous eyes and sexy bum!" he points to me and I widen my eyes in playful surprise. "You will be coming with me!" He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder and I squeal in surprise. "If you know what I mean." He whispers playfully and I laugh as he begins to tickle my sides.
"Dan! No please!" I squirm in his arms.
"Say I'm the hottest manly man ever." He taunts as he continues to rub his fingertips along my sides.
"No!" I pout childishly and let a smile peak out."Okayyyyy..." He says with a warning and a stifled laugh as he sets me down on the couch and climbs over me, full access to my stomach and neck as he tickles me ten times faster than before."Oh god Dan no please, I'm sorry!" I choke out as tears blind my vision and I can barely say an audible word due to all my laughing. In response, Dan just smirks mischievously and brings his head into the crook of my neck and I can feel his warm breath as he laughs. He leaves playful kisses up and down my skin, sexy but still ticklish. Then to my surprise, he takes his tongue and licks a straight line up my neck. Not even a sexy lick! It just felt like I was attacked by a drooling dog and I could feel the wetness on my neck. "EWWWWWWW EWEWEWEWEW." I screech as I can't help but feel pretty grossed out.
"Just say it Y/N! Or I could just do it again-" He teases as he sticks his tongue out and leans in again until I stop him.
"You're the hottest manly man ever!" I giggle and he backs his tongue out my face and slows down his tickling.
"Ever huh?"
"Yes, to ever exist!" I beg.
"Hmm, I don't know..." He drags out as he speeds up his hands AGAIN and I scream. "Say I'm the cooliest." He laughs.
"What the fuck- no!" I giggle.
"What's that?" And there is his tongue again.
"NONONONONO YOU'RE THE COOLIEST!" I press my hands on his chest and try to push him away but let's be honest, even if Dan's not that athletic, his weight and height alone can give him the upper hand. My defense didn't last to long as we eventually enter into an awkward, clumsy wrestling match and next thing I know we fall of the couch and roll onto the floor and Dan is still on top of me.
"Dan!" I giggle as he kisses my neck in a ticklish manner.
"Say you love me!" He laughs out, probably joking but doesn't really realize the full weight of the situation. I stop my laughing and pull back a bit from him, even feeling some tears forming in my eyes. Yep, that's all it fucking takes. Ugh, get it together Y/N.
Dan quickly takes notice and pulls back, now realizing what just happened.
"Dan..." I whisper in sorrow and sad warning, letting him know a red button has just been pushed. And just like in his teenage job, sirens go off and someone is about to be yelled at.
"Oh god, Y/N, I'm sorry I was joking." He panics and I just make a small nod and look to the side, avoiding any eye contact.
"Please, um I just want to get up. " I whisper and he complies right away as he stands to his feet. He offers to help me up but I just look up at him and realize the exact metaphor in living flesh that creates the barrier that prevents me from saying those three stupid, significant fucking words.
"Y/N, come on let me help you up." He pleas. I just shake my head timidly. "Y/N, come on..." He reaches out and grabs my arm tightly, making me shoot away from his touch immediately. "Fucking hell Y/N!" he shouts and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. I queer back a little, startled by his outbreak. Dan hardly ever raised his voice the time we've been together and when it came to this topic, he never dare fight me on it. "Why huh? Why can't you just fucking let me help you? Just let me be there for you, just let me love you? WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE ME BACK?" He shouts again and I don't even realize I'm crying until I see water droplets hit the hardwood flow underneath me.
"You know why Dan." I say quietly looking down at the floor, hoping he doesn't notice my state.
"You know what Y/N, I'm starting not to anymore. Okay, I get it. That asshole you were with before made you dependent; vulnerable; forgettable whatever. I know how you are and I love how you want to be free and strong and independent but dammit Y/N! Do you know how hard it is to love someone and know that they don't love you back? I would give up my damn life for you, hell, I want to spend the rest of my life with you but you can't even say three fucking words to me can you? I would do anything for you and all you need to give me in return are those three words and you still can't do it." He yells towards me, however towards the end his speech starts to waver and become quieter and I realize how emotional Dan really is about this.
"Dan, please." I plea, feeling tortured from the inside out; begging for mercy. "Please don't hate me for this."
"HATE YOU? Y/N are you fucking listening to me? I LOVE YOU. GODDAMMIT I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" At this point he's literally on his knees in front of me and his eyes are shiny with unseen tears. He's basically screaming this to me, inches from my face and I coward back a little. He notices and takes a few deep breaths before speaking up again, but tears are slowly running down his cheeks and he tries to subtly wipe them away. "Don't you love me back Y/N?" He whispers and stares right into my eyes. He brings his hand up cautiously to my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb. He starts to wipe my tears away and I only feel worse. I'm the one breaking his heart, but he's the one helping me. "Just tell me you love me back." He begs and lets out a choked sob, closing his eyes. "God, just tell me you love me."
I close my eyes and a sob wrecks through my body as my mind racing but I can't even think of something. God, I want to. I want to so damn bad but for some reason, my mouth and my brain aren't working right and I bet there's a damaged link between the two. I start to cry harder as I realize that I won't be able to tell him, not now. "Dan... I'm so sorry." I choke out and he doesn't need anymore from me. He simply stands up and walks toward the doorway, with his jacket hanging on the hook. "Wait, where are you going?" I say as loud as I can as I realize everything is crashing down on me.
"I'm leaving - just somewhere, I don't know but I just, I just need to leave." He struggles out.
Leave. That terrible, sickening word that I'm far too familiar with. Something I witness people do everyday, and something I'm very good at.
"Leave?" I think out loud. And then I realize DAN. IS. LEAVING. He going out of my life, maybe not permanently but, no, I can't let that happen. Dan, well, he's my everything. He's my escape and my daydream and my love. Just tell him you're in love him. My head screams to me. Do it, you know you are. But then my mouth just hangs dry and I'm so frustrated with myself, it's like I'm paralyzed. "Oh my god, Dan please please please don't leave me! I just need time I'm sorry I-" I beg, literally on my knees in front of him.
"I'm sorry." And those are the last words he says to me before the door slams and he disappears into the winter free fall outside, blurring around us. My mouth hangs open and my knees shake and I probably look like a crazy person, but I don't care because I am one: I just let the best thing to ever happen to me slip away, and that just proves me to be absolutely, definitely, and heartbrokenly insane.
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