Joan Ascends

Chapter 5: I'm glad to be wrong

Thinking of the virus inside me, multiplying even now, makes me a little sick. Instead, I force my mind to address the bigger problem. "The real question is—what does she want from us? If she's telling the truth, then the purpose behind activating this virus is to ensure regular contact with our rebellion. Why? To gain information? To cripple us with doubt and fear? Whatever it is, we can't let her have it."

"I'd give her whatever she wants in a heartbeat to keep you alive," Justus says.

Harriet's expression is equally bleak. "Me, too."

~ ~ ~

Later, after almost everyone has left to bed down in the Bunker or back at the Seattle Secondary dorms, Justus, Sun, Marie and I take over the ratty couch in the main room.

Harriet and Mason join us with a pack of beers, and Kat comes a minute later with a bottle of wine. Other than the clinking of the bottles, it's quiet as we all settle in with a drink.

Marie is the first to break the silence. "Maybe Lexi wants Joan to do more joint videos with Strand to prove that the city is really safe and the Day Zero vid is false."

"Or perhaps she wants to keep an eye on us to make sure that we don't threaten her power," Kat offers.

Sun takes a swallow of beer before he speaks. "No. This is something new. As far as Lexi knows, Throwbacks have been put soundly in their place."

"She hinted that she knows something about me, that there's a reason that she has been watching me closely for so long," I say.

"Whatever it is, we won't figure it out with the information we currently have," Harriet says, leaning her head on Mason's shoulder.

Marie tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm assembling a team to try to hack into Strand's intranet. The formula for their medicine must be on there somewhere."

"Good," Sun says. "And the rest of us must keep moving forward with our reality series. There are millions of people all over the country—Throwback and Evolved—that we can reach with our message. While Lexi has dealt us a blow today, she has also unknowingly given us an opportunity to get footage of her on a regular basis. We will not waste it."

"Dude, that's kind of cold," Mason says.

"It's okay. I want something good to come from this," I say, hoping to pull my friends out of their dark thoughts. "And think of the plot twist for our series when we finally do figure out what Strand wants with me. Knowing Lexi, it will be something dramatic."

"Maybe you're Lexi and Crew's biological love child," Kat quips.

I choke on a surprised laugh, almost shooting beer out of my nose. "I thought I sensed some tension between those two."

Marie cracks a smile, and Kat's whole expression brightens, like it always does when Marie is happy.

"This isn't a death sentence," I remind Justus and Harriet, whose expressions are still rigid. "Lexi—and Strand—still need us. Which means that we will have more opportunities to get visibility into the inner workings of that company. We need more information if we want to take them down for good."

My friends go quiet at my words.

Finally, Justus speaks. "Is that what you're doing? Taking Strand down?"

"Not me. I've proven more than once that when I'm at the center of things, I fail. But I still want to contribute, even if I'm only the bait that draws Lexi out so you can expose Strand's crimes to the world."

Harriet is eyeing me. I know her well enough to be able to tell that she doesn't fully agree with what I'm saying, but she doesn't voice her thoughts.

"Personally, I think you're all missing the silver lining in this current turn of events," Mason says, a sly smile on his face.

Justus immediately looks suspicious. "What's that?"

"The virus is already activated in her blood. No amount of contact with an Evolved can make it any worse than it already is. Which means you can finally kiss her, man."

It's Justus's turn to choke on his drink, and Kat has to pound him hard on the back. He glances at me, and then quickly looks away. A warm, unwelcome flush climbs up my own neck in response.

I look to Harriet for support, but instead of offering me any sympathy, she's fighting a smile. "You're right, Mase. I don't know how we missed it. Maybe our reality vid should be a romcom."

Everyone laughs at Harriet's remark, even me. At least, until I see Sun looking from me to Justus, the wheels in his brilliant mind definitely turning.

I'm determined to stop that train in the tracks. "Speaking of the reality series, Sun, has it been green lit by the whole team at Seattle Secondary?"

"Yes, everyone is on board and very excited about this project. Headmaster Wilde and the remaining teachers all agree that it can serve as our end-of-year project. The students are splitting up into teams to manage costumes, technology, and some light scripting."

"What about casting?" I press. "Will there be a lead or will it be an ensemble cast?"

"That's still in the works."

I want to remind him that I won't be a part of the series, but Kat jumps in before I can get the words out. "Turns out Cesar is a wizard at editing vids. And Headmaster Wilde got him the best software out there to work with, so this is going to look professional."

"Lady Cleo is leading the advertising campaign," Sun says. "By the time we release the pilot, the show will be generating a buzz."

Looking around our little group, it's easy to imagine the difference they will all make in the world. With this reality series for a start, but beyond that, too. In the past, sometimes I've felt like fixing everything that's wrong with how Throwbacks are treated is all up to me, like a puzzle only I can solve.

I'm glad to be wrong.

~ ~ ~

I'm almost asleep in the bunk I share with Harriet when Justus sits beside me. I immediately know it's him just by the way he breathes.

"You awake?"

"Barely," I reply, though my heart is beating faster with him so close. Especially after Mason pointed out that there is nothing stopping us from being even closer.

"I wanted to check that you're okay. That H2IV isn't hitting you harder than we expect."

"I'm okay. You don't need to worry about me."

Justus's fingers skim my damaged cheek. "I'm so fucking terrified right now that I don't know if I'll ever sleep again. I can't lose you, Joan."

I hesitate for a second before raising the covers in a silent invitation for him to join me. Justus slides in beside me, his body warming all the cold parts of mine.

"Joan—"

"Just sleep, Justus," I murmur. It's the sweetest kind of torture to breathe in his smell and not kiss him, but I'm still not sure if being with me would end up hurting Justus, or, worse, make him a target for Lexi's manipulations.

For tonight, I give him the comfort he's always selflessly given me when I've been scared. He tugs me into his arms so that my head rests on his shoulder. Only when my arm is draped across his stomach and his legs tangle with mine does his breathing even out.

My last thought before I drift off is that we fit perfectly together. Too bad we're destined to always be ripped apart.