Stay boy 3

Chapter 21

I read a print piece somewhere that said:

Words are spell

Vows are spells

Poems are spells

Your thoughts are spells

Your text, your emails, your conversations are spells

You mold your world with every spell

You are a magician

That was deep. Deep to the point that it made me feel like the writer was talking about my life. One truly molded their world with every word spoken or written. I bind or should I say bonded Star boy to me when I told him that he was my forever and always. He held me to those words. My words had become my bond.

"You said you will always love me, Ashleigh"

 Star boy mumbled.

 He didn't turn around to face me. He kept his back to me and his face to the other side of my room. I laid flat on my back with my eyes fixated in the ceiling.

"I will always love you but that doesn't mean I will compromise with everything you do" I responded in a drawl tone.

"So you only doing this to revenge me then?" he questioned, shuffled, and turned around.

"No me just a mek you know I am not naive Ashleigh that you told to fuck you and your wife and she did it because she loved you."

Star boy gazed at me and touched my cheek. I shrugged and his hand slipped from my cheek.

"I will never ask you to do anything like that again"

"I regret doing that"

He shifted again and sat up. Eyes fixed on me."Let me make it up to you"

"Give me another chance Ash"

"Love can win Ash"

I felt emotional and uncomfortable.

I wanted him, no doubt, but something kept holding me back from leaping into his arms and vow to live happily ever after. Maybe it was pride, I don't know.

"Please baby..?"

"Do it for Nyla" He pleaded.

I crawled on his lap and placed my forehead on his.

"If I do it... it wouldn't be for Nyla, it would be for me, you, and Nyla"

He wrapped his arms around my waist

"Do it please baby"

I felt his words meandering into my soul.

I quickly got up from his lap.

"I have work to do and I have something I need to set straight before I can do it"

"Give me some time"

I got up from the bed and looked down at him.

He looked disappointed. It made me sad.

I hated that I was hurting him. Flaws and all, he was a very good man.

Me: Hey Cedric

Me: Can we talk?

Cedric: Good morning to you too

Cedric: No. I'm busy

Me: Cedric, please

Me: Just hear me out

Cedric: Your silence and action already spoke for you

Me: Cedric lets be adults here

Me: Let's have lunch

I thought about my relationship with Star boy all morning. I watched him tugged on his clothing. I watched him leave. He lingered at the door and blew me a kiss. I caught the imaginary kiss and placed it on my chest...heart. He said something to me in the shower that stayed with me.

He said, "missing an opportunity because you lacked the courage to jump, hurts more than trying and failing."

4 hours later...

Cedric decided to have lunch with me at Cloggy's on the beach. I have been here a few times. The usual formal ambiance had changed. The place was now more laid back like some kind of roadside cookshop.

"So let me hear it Ashleigh" Cedric mouthed as soon as I sat down at the table with him.

He clasps his hands at his chin.

"Weh you say a gwaan?"

"Why you make it sound so complicated?" I asked.

"It's not like we agreed to commit or...."

Cedric did not let me finish.

"You worry about the fidelity of your child's father and I needed someone to keep me warm"

"You said you were done with him"

"I never asked you for a commitment but I expected your honesty"

"I feel used"

A stout, black lady walked over to us before I could answer.

"Unuh ready to order?" she asked.

Cedric looked at her from head to toes slowly with a taunting look on his face.

"Just bring us two of your special mix drinks," he said without exchanging eye contact with her.

"Ok Sir," she said and walked off.

"A so country people abrap?" he asked with a scornful look on his face.

"Don't do that!" I mandated.

"Don't talk about her like that!"

I was never impressed by a man who tries to belittle someone else, especially a woman. Was never impressed and is not impressed now.

I sucked my teeth. I was glad I was ending things. I look at Cedric's angelic facial features. He was the shit and he knew it but that didn't give him an excuse to mistreat people. Fucking dildo boss. Dead cock rasshole.

"Tell me the truth girl!"

"Is it...." he leaned in "the erection thing?"

I wanted to laugh but I couldn't risk brushing his ego. I was never the type to ridicule others and I wasn't going to start now. Cedric has thought himself some intriguing skills and I admire him for that, he didn't allow his disability to cripple him. There is a girl out there that will love him to death, she's just not me.

"Nuh really eno"

"Nyla just needs her daddy"

"He has always been there for me and I can't leave him high and dry just suh"

He ignored what I said. As if he didn't hear a word I said. He glared into thin air which showed that he was traveling down memory lane.

"When I was about 15 I was at a high school concert and a group of us drank some weird shit" he glanced at me and quickly looked away.

"It was said to give us a firm erection"

"And it did but..." he coughed.

"My dick couldn't go down"

"It stayed that way for about 3 hours"

"I was rushed to the hospital and they slit the veins of my cock and it went down"

He hung his head and sighed

"I never had an erection since"

"So me decide to just use toys and I'm good at it"

"That I can profess to" I responded and instantly regretted it. Of all the things the poor man said, that was all my brain summed up to respond.

Cedric and I stayed in uncomfortable silence for a while. I felt like crap. I knew I should try to comfort him but I couldn't find the words.