love letters :༅｡.｡༅ [ e. williams ]

found family

you feel lonely and ellie saves the day. joel loves to have you over for movie night. 

c/w : vague but implied bad relationship w family, comfort, joel is in this briefly lmao. established relationship. 

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you hated bothering ellie, and you hated that you thought of it as bothering when it wasn't really that at all. whenever you referred to it as bothering, ellie always called you out on it.

"you realize we're dating, right?" ellie would say, rolling her eyes with a fondness that she only held for you. "if you didn't wanna be around me, then we'd have something to worry about."

you sniffled, looking at your phone in your lap. she was busy tonight, probably playing games with jesse or hanging out with dina or something. you didn't mind, not really, but you were on edge tonight.

you didn't want to be alone, but you didn't want to be a burden.

after a pathetic debate with yourself, you decided to text her anyway.

whatcha doing? you sent, hoping it was casual enough and not at all bothersome.

ellie replied almost instantly, and your heart seized.

Missing you. How are you holding up?

you frowned down at your phone screen. how were you holding up? you brought your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. if you held your breath, the world around you would be silent. your lock screen faded to black after going untouched, the only light in your room disappearing. you blinked in the darkness. night had fallen, and you didn't bother with turning on the light.

your phone sounded once more, causing you to wince.

Everything okay?

you pushed out a sigh, immediately feeling guilty and wishing you could take back the simple message.

no, everything was not okay, and ellie was probably already beginning to suspect that. you had a rough day, which seemed to be much more common lately. arriving home to an empty house was your breaking point, expected but still disappointing.

the idea of being alone so often used to excite you, the possibilities of growing independent and getting to be yourself without experiencing any scrutiny. the reality lost its charm quickly.

the grass is always greener, which you knew but still tended to wish for the opposite of whatever you had at the time. the house with your family around felt like an overstimulating nightmare, you were always on edge. during those moments, you would do anything for an empty house. when the house was empty, you didn't care if words spoken were biting or sarcastic, you just wanted to hear something.

you drew a shaky breath, picking up your phone from your bed. your thumbs danced over the keyboard, you weren't sure if you should be honest or just play it off. the uncertainty of reactions freaked you out, even though ellie never made you regret being open with her.

all good! you typed quickly, pressing send before you had too much time to think about it. within a minute, your phone was ringing.

"you have got to get better at lying," ellie automatically said, not giving you time for a hello.

"what?" you frowned, falling back onto your pillows. "all i said was two words," you defended.