I'm gonna make this place your home.

"Together." Bellamy's words echo in her ears one last time before pulling the lever that would end hundreds of human lives, children and adults alike.

"I have to save them." Clarke whispers, while her skin starts itching as if a scourge of mosquitoes had stung her at the same time. The feeling then intensifies as she bursts into flames which seep into her skin and cloud her lungs preventing her from breathing.

"I had to save them!" Her repeated screams waking her out of the nightmare that's been tormenting her for months.

Lexa tries to calm her, laying her hands gently on her shoulders, but Clarke is a mess, she's out of breath, her eyes are widened and her heart is beating too fast. She's never seen her like this but she can't show any sign of worry, she must be her rock, like she's been for the past three months.

"Breathe Clarke, we've been through this many times and we've always won, you just have to breathe."

Since the panic attacks had started, Lexa has consulted the Capital's doctor who gave her some advice on how to face them, like for example looking for physical touch, even though her presence more often than not didn't help because she was, her very own self, a part of the nightmares.

"This will never end, I just wanted a normal life." Tears contribute to the shake of Clarke's even more. She gasps desperately for air, her abdomen convulsing painfully every time she let out a sob.

Lexa fears that Clarke is right and yet she really believed that she could help her and that she could give her everything that she had promised her three months ago in TonDC.

3 MONTHS BEFORE, TONDC.

"I need to talk to the Commander." Clarke glares at Indra who is standing in the way of the entrance of the Commander's tent.

She didn't leave Camp Jaha just to find a door closed in her face. She didn't abandon her mother, Bellamy and her friends just to find herself alone again. They couldn't understand what was going on, yes they did it together but it was on her head that the crown was resting. Just like Lexa, she had to make tough choices to save her people but she's survived and she wanted to know how. She was the only person who could fix her.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Clarke." Indra tells her crossing her arms and keeping her stare on Clarke.

She fears a thirst for vengeance and even though she didn't agree with the plan of the Commander's, she swore loyalty and protection to her.

Eventually Clarke pulls out her knife and gun and throws them away, seething with anger and exasperation. "Now get out of my way." She didn't have time to lose with these stupid diplomatic games.

"Let her in, Indra."

Hearing the Commander's order, Indra slightly shifts to the left but she never loses sight of Clarke. She studies her, like she was taught how to do with enemies.

"I'm not the enemy, I've never been it." She remarks disillusioned before entering Lexa's tent.

"I heard that you left your weapons at the entrance, so if you don't want to kill me, to what do I owe the honor then Clarke?" Lexa searches her eyes with her own gaze, letting her mind go back to those times when she could almost call her hers and look into those blue eyes without feeling the guilt clawing at her stomach.

Almost wasn't perfect but it was better than never, to which she had to settle for now since she was the Commander. Almost was a privilege she could've never afforded.