The Living Fictions

Chapter 34

Ibinalik ko ang aking tingin sa mama niya at tumango na lamang. “Nandiyan po sila sa loob.” Then, she smiled.

Ang akala ko'y susunod si Ryden sa kaniyang ina ngunit nagkakamali ako. He was left there standing and his hands in his pocket. Nakakapanibago rin pala, kahit sanay ako sa presensya niya dati, nakakapanibago dahil akala ko'y ayos na ako na wala siya. I don't if the fact that I was the one who burned us down is the reason why I feel like I'm haunted or is it because after all, I'm still into him.

“Ayezza...”

I suddenly felt overwhelmed. That's it, ganoon ako karupok. Simpleng pagsambit niya lang sa aking pangalan ay halos maghiyawan na ang aking kaloob-looban. 

“Kamusta?” I almost stuttered.

I heard him leave a heavy sigh and began pacing towards me. “I'm glad to see you again. This close.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Aye, pwede ba kitang makausap?” he asked as if he's grabbing a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Lumingon naman ako sa kaniya.

“Nag-uusap na tayo.”

Napalitan ang emosyon niya nang pagiging malamig. It sent shivers to my spine.

“I'm sorry for all the things I've done. Kung may pagkukulang man ako dati, pasensya na. Alam kong maaaring huli na ako ngayon at baka nga’y may minamahal kanang iba. Kung ayaw mo na talaga, hindi naman kita pipilitin pero kung hanggang ngayon ay meron pa, handa akong patunayan ang sarili ko muli.”

“Ryden, why are you doing this?”

“Ah, masyado yatang mabilis.” Rinig kong bulong niya sa kaniyang sarili. “Ito, Aye I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry if you ever felt alone when we were together. I'm sorry if you feel like you have to face all the pain alone. Dati, palagi kong sinasabi na nandito lang ako sa tabi mo pero hindi ko naman matanong ng maayos ang tunay mong nararamdaman—”

“Ryd.” I cut him off. “Please, whatever happened between us, you don't have anything to be sorry about. Ako ang rason ng lahat ng iyon so I hope you don't feel bad. I ended it because it wasn't right. Magulo ang paligid natin and we have to face that reality. I don't want to love someone if I am losing myself. Nagi-guilty lang ako dahil sobrang iresponsable ko sa atin. I doesn't deserve you, Ryd.I'm sorry… I know, I've been so wrong saying hurtful words towards you.” I sincerely apologize. Alam kong hindi sapat itong mga salita ko sa sakit na naidulot ko sa kaniya but I really just want to say those words nang mapanatag kaming pareho.

Ilang segundo kaming binalot ng katahimikan nang bago ako nakarinig ng isang mabigat na buntong hininga mula sa kaniya.

“Hindi mo pa inamin lahat ng hinanakit mo ay pinatawad na kita. Ayaw kong magtanim ng galit sa iyo dahil sobrang mahal kita. Kagaya ng pinangako ko sa iyo, hindi iyon nagbago hanggang ngayon. Ayaw kitang kalimutan dahil isa ka sa mga magandang nangyari sa akin. So, you don't need to be sorry. Mahal kita kaya kahit ano pa iyan, papatawarin kita.” Mahabang sabi nito na dahilan ng pagkaramdam ko ng matalim na bagay na tumama sa dibdib ko.

“But, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your love kasi wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang saktan ka. I'm sorry again Ryden.”

“Hmm, I don't care. Ikaw ang mas mahalaga sa akin. Pero ayaw naman kitang pilitin. Kaya kung ayaw mo na talaga, kung binitawan mo na talaga ako, then okay. Wala na akong magagawa. I don't have the position to force you dahil ang importante ay nakilala kita.”

I look at him and I saw how his eyes turned red. Pati ako ay nasasaktan din sa sitwasyon namin. Is it really my fault?

Kahit ano pa iyan, kahit sabihin niyang hindi ko na kailangang humingi ng tawad, alam ko ang pagkakamali ko. I'm also thankful that I met him. He thought me so many lessons that's why I don't regret anything.

“Why do you want me back, Ryden? Paano kung maulit lang?”

“Malaki ang tiwala ko sa iyo, Aye. I know you didn't mean to hurt me that way. Lumayo lang ako ng kaunti dahil alam kong kailangan mo ng time para pag-isipan ang lahat at ayusin ang sarili mo. I know you've been hurting since from the beginning.”

“Paano ang mga pamilya natin?”

He fell in silent for a moment and then held my hand. “Magtiwala ka sa akin, darating din ang araw na magiging ayos ang lahat. Kung kailan ka handa, hihintayin kita.”

I gave him a huge smile and wrapped my arms around him. It was just a gentle hug but it tells a lot of feeling. From the beating of my heart and my mind who's in the midst of serenity when I held his arms. I miss this feeling. To be with him when all things are fine.

Indeed, a sorry can bought two lovers so far. Akala ko dati ay makakalakad ka naman ng patuloy kahit walang pagpapatawad ang paglilinaw. Ngunit hindi ganoon sa lahat ng bagay. There are a lot of things that needs to be clear out so that everyone can finally move forward. A sorry can do a lot of things. It could forgive, and might as well could help to love again.

Niyakap niya ako pabalik at mas lalo kong hinigpitan ang aking yakap. Sobrang nami-miss ko ang taong ito. If only the world was fine then we doesn't have to end up this way. But I guess it happens for a reason. When we ended, I realized a lot of things that I should've done with him when we were still together. Now, if I could give us a chance, I wouldn't think twice to do all the good things with him. I will love with no regrets.

“Then, you're waiting for something great, Ryd.”

“Hmmm?”

“I promise.”

Siguro'y naintindihan niya naman ang nais kong iparating dahil naramdaman ko agad ang simpleng paghalik niya sa aking tenga.

This feeling is priceless. Promising someone you truly love is like promising to the whole world. We may not be the perfect couple just like what the fictional characters are, it’s fine as long as we chose our hearts after how we chose our mind.

Our love for each other is more than enough. We’re in the reality but our love story is like the living fictions. We faced circumstances but we, I will make sure, to still end up with each other.

Ang inaakala kong ang totoong pagmamahal ay sa libro lang makikita, nagkakamali ako roon. Nararamdaman ko na iyon ngayon at halos hindi ako makapaniwala.

I’m so happy that a man like Ryden Caleb Saldivar exists in this chaotic world.

And I am also happy that this love that I feel now, the love that he's showering me, this is not just a product of my imaginations because this is real.

I, Ayezza Nathalie Acosta, I’m so happy that I now reached this chapter of my life. I really love Ryden, more than what he thinks.