Broken Promises

10. A Tiny Beam of Light

Harshita's pov:

*Five years later*

The five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

According to everyone else this is how the healing process usually goes. And to be honest felt that way too.

When I first got to know about the accident, I didn't believe it or maybe I didn't want to believe it. A part of me believed it was just a bad dream even though I knew it wasn't.

Slowly but surely, I started to believe it. What could I possibly tell myself after seeing her in front of me? "This isn't real" "It's just a nightmare" how long could I stay like that? I can't fool myself that easily even though I'd like to.

After a certain point I started to get mad at myself. I blamed myself as a way of coping. I started to think of the "what if's" but nothing change. No matter who I blamed or what I thought what was ought to happen had already happened and I couldn't change than though I'd like to.

And then I reached the hardest point. Depression. Depression is defined as a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. And that's exactly how I would describe my state. I went numb. The only thing I could feel was her absence and the only thought I could think of was the memories we made. It was a cycle. Everyday I would wake up and indulge myself in various activities to take my mind off the bad things but at night when the sun went down, the darkness took over. I was pushed back into the hellhole I tried to run away from. It was one step forward and three steps back.

But here's where things took a turn. Till now everything was normal. This is how everyone deals with grief. Or do they? I lived in those 4 stages over and over and over again every day, every hour, every minute and every second. I was so close to the 5th stage and yet it was too far for me to reach. It was a hamster's wheel with no end and I was stuck in it for I don't how long.

I took my pen and started writing from where I left it the last time.

"Admist of all the darkness, she could see a tiny beam of light. The light was nothing compared to the darkness but it showed an urge to fight it.

He was a tiny star in her dark sky. He didn't take away all her darkness but he showed her a way. He showed her the light she had but never noticed. He helped her help herself. He wasn't a solution to all her problems but a hope to overcome them. And it was so much better that way.

Maybe it wasn't all that bad. Maybe nothing could ever be completely bad. There had to be at least a little bit of good in even the worst. And he was that good part. He was the best chapter of her story. One that she wish would never end.

With great things comes great fear. She feared that the next time she turns the page he wouldn't be in it anymore but she kept going not cause she didn't think there would be an end but cause it was worth the risk.

Maybe she will fall deeper and maybe the darkness will eat her up once he leaves but she believed it was worth giving her heart away even if it meant that he was able to break it. With all the courage she had, she kept on turning the pages. She kept going. Years went by but she kept going. He was still there. And now she started to believe that even if her book ends he will be the last chapter in it. But what if time proves her wrong? There is no such thing as powerful as time. Only time could tell what's next and all she could do is wait. With the hope still shining within her."