Hanbin fanfic: Struggles of liking you

A coicidential discovery

Everyone settled down on their seats.
Smiles and hugs were exchanged.
Then a silence came upon the group and closed everyone's mind and mouth.

"It's been a month," Jinhwan gently posed. He wasn't expecting any response but he felt it was the right thing to do at the time.

Bobby beside nodded in agreement.
Hayi watched as all the boys around the table gently nodded with their heads hanging low.

"Guys, let's order I am soooo hungry, aren't you?!," Hayi quickly scattered the menus to everyone and at the same time break the awkward solemn atmosphere that has decided to settle upon the members.

As the food slowly but eventually disappeared into the boys body. The members began to chat and joke around.
Hayi looked out the window, it was cold but looked warm. The beach outside was beckoning for her. She wanted to dip her feet into the warm sand and just sit and ponder on the nature around her.

"Anyone wants to go to the beach?"
Hayi looked around for nods and smiles.
"Noona it is so cold and windy though," donghyuk remarked.
She smiled.
"That shouldn't stop you from enjoying the beautiful beach,"
No one was convinced.
"Fine I'll go by myself, just remember to start practicing that one song once you finished,"

Everyone said their goodbyes and Hayi departed towards the sea.
Once she stepped outside the cold breeze embraced her from behind while the gentle sun rays hit the corners of her face.
As she walked across the road towards the beckoning call of the waves, the saltiness from the beach filled her nostrils.

Finally, she has reached a place of serenity and peace.
The gentle waves had a way with her.
It made her inside stay calm and still.
All her worries and doubts are reflected upon when Hayi is in this place.
It is her own private landscape, a place where she can attain tranquility.

Once Hayi seated herself on the beach, she took out a pen and paper out of her bag and began to write.

It was her way of venting out her emotions, spilling out her desires and dreams.

At first the words on the paper didn't make sense. They were just random ideas and words thrown around, but soon Hayi was able to truly grasp her inner emotions and display them on the paper.

They were about him.
It was about her feeling of loss and emptiness.
She missed him.
To the point that she can only sigh whenever she thinks about him.
She wanted to see him again.
It has been over a month or so and she still hasn't heard anything about or from him.

The numbing prickling of her heart is slowly gnawing her sanity.
She wrote our her madness onto the paper.
She sighed.
It was time to let him go.
Hayi placed the paper in her bag and started to make her way back home.

But what she didn't know was the piece of paper that she was writing on has slowly sneaked out of her bag and fell into the hands of someone that wasn't meant to have it.
Kim hanbin.

Whether you call it fate or destined to be, that's up to you. But Hanbin has been all of this time watching her from above.
He watched her as she closed her eyes and sat down on the sand.
He watched her as she carefully took out her pen and started writing diligently.
He saw everything.
And now he was reading something that knocked him off his bearings.
An entry .
An insight of Hayi's mind.
Hanbin felt like he was probing into an area that he shouldn't be delving into.
But his curiosity took the better of him.

His eyes darted down the entry.
He read it once. Twice. Three times.
Yet he still failed to grasp what he was reading.
"Hayi" was all he could mutter.
Confusion and apprehension flooded his body with its intoxicating poison.
He couldn't stand still.
He was perplexed.
Troubled.
Confused.
He thought he knew everything he was to know in this world.
Yet he a few seconds ago was made to known of Hayi's true feelings.
Something he was too blind to know. Too blind to see.

Hanbin looked at the drenched letter in his hands.
He read it again, believing that he must have missed something. Hayi couldn't possibly ...
Couldn't have ever... Liked him. More than a friend.

~~The fading smile is the only thing I remember of you.
The slow endearing manner you fade back into solemnity was beautiful yet frightening.

HANBIN did you know I felt like all my energy was sucked away from me.
I didn't want to work, I didn't want to practice. I didn't want to do anything.

Maybe now I can truly understand what you mean by how loneliness can be suffocating.
I have people around me but the absence of someone you treasure the most makes your world hard to live by.

I know now, I understand now.
The silence is deafening.
I miss your voice.
Everything.
I thought that I have moved on.
I thought that my feelings for you was officially over, but why did you need to rip my heart open once again.

Did you know how much it hurts.
If I could do one thing that day you left I wished I could hug you knowing it will be my last one .

Hanbin- ah where are you?
Do you know everyone here miss you?

But I know that even though if you return your heart will be gone.
I think that is more scary.
The lifeless eyes.
The fake smile.
The mask you need to put everyday.
I wish I could suck all of your sadness away.
I wish I can be by your side now.
Let me take away your pain.
Because did you know I have fallen for you once more. ~~

Hanbin closed his eyes.
He put his hoodie over his head and began walking back home.
The letter was throbbing in his hands.
His mind relayed her words.
It tickled his brain. His body felt weird.
Is this real?
Did she like me ?
Was that why she was so supportive ?
When ? How? Why? What?

That was something Hanbin wants to know.
But is he going to actively search for the answers ?
Perhaps not.
Although he is curious he wants to make sure he won't fall back to where he started.
He doesn't want to relive his past.
He doesn't want Hayi to be his rebound.
He wants to take it slow and see where time takes him .

He took out his phone and the music pendant that Hayi gave him was hanging, jingling with the wind.
A smile unknowingly crept on Hanbin's face.
It has been a while since the pleasant grin last appeared on his face.
And this time it wasn't forced or fake.
It was real.
And it was because of her.
Lee Hayi.