NIGHT MAPS

002

trigger warning: internalized homophobia, mentions of slander against certain religious people.

for such a family that tried to  portray themselves as perfect, the cunninghams had enough problems to last a lifetime. and they hid those problems under the appearance of the classic nuclear family, one that loved each other and everyone else. one that was involved within their community and church.
and while kyson wasn't overly fond of religion, he found himself sitting in a church pew more often than not. through the years, he'd formed a constant struggle with issues regarding religion and his personal beliefs.
he knew that he was allowed to be whoever he wanted to be and that his family's values and beliefs had no impact on him, yet he couldn't help but feel like he was betraying his own religion. by liking men just as much as women, he was disrespecting everything that had ever been taught to him. he was disappointing god.
the idea was terrifying, enough to scare him into keeping those thoughts locked away for years. because if he didn't act on them, there would be no reason for god to be upset with him, right?
and every time he sat on those pews, he'd feel sick. the sound of the church choir was always enough to make his stomach churn with guilt surrounding himself and how he wanted to express himself. because even if no one in the church knew, he still felt like he didn't belong.
it seemed so puzzling how such a 'supportive' environment could make him hate himself more than anything. he would never understand how a group of people could judge him based on assumptions about his appearance when their own religion claims to be accepting of all.

disclaimer: i'm religious myself but i am NOT attacking religion as a whole. this is meant to reflect on the harm a toxic church environment can have on someone as well as the experience a lot of LGBTQ+ members go through because of people who take religion too far