on temporizing || Dream SMP Timeloop Fic

Chapter 23

Yeah, no, something was wrong. Either he'd developed super strength without noticing it, or this hoe was an impostor.

Narrowing his eyes, Technoblade tried to pick it up again. The section of handle he'd tried to pick up lifted easily in his hand, leaving the rest of the hoe behind and revealing that it was. . . cake.

What.

Technoblade poked the tip of the hoe. His finger sunk right into it, revealing that it, too, was cake.

What.

The voices cackled in a maelstrom of glee and confusion. CAKE! Oh fuck everything is cake. IT'S ALL CAKE. Pogtopia is Cake. L'Manberg is Cake. We are cake. The world is Cake. Reality is Cake. Everything you know is Cake. LMAO HE'S SO CONFUSED-- we're confused too! Eat the cake! CONSUME IT. Wait if everything is cake does that mean he has to eat everything too? YES NOM THE DIRT. NO DO NOT NOM THE DIRT. But don't you want to know what wither skulls taste like? I mean the cake might be poisoned. BUT HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET TO SAY YOU ATE YOUR FARMING HOE? Lmao imagine if he just said that to Wilbur's face. THE CAKE IS A LIE-- SHUT, THAT REFERENCE CAN'T BE USED HERE--

Technoblade stared at his cake-crusted hand and decided that it was time to take a break.

~~~

Tommy glared up at the ceiling, rubbing the last bit of sleep from his eyes. He'd forgotten how cold Pogtopia could be. Paired with his paper-thin blankets, his sleep had been shitty at best.

Going by the faint light seeping in under his door, it was about half past six in the morning. Time to get up.

With monumental effort, he levered himself into a sitting position and swung his legs off the bed. Straightening his rumpled shirt, he shoved his foot into his shoe-- only to still when it caved under his sole.

Slowly, he lifted his foot. Yup, there were chunks of cake stuck to it.

"DREAM!"

112. (credit to Skywritesalot)

"We have built cobblestone walls outside, and we have shot one warning shot inside your walls." Dream drew himself up, the enchantments on his netherite gear gleaming. "We have NO MERCY! NO MERCY FOR YOU! We will come! We will burn down your houses, we will kill everything inside your walls, and . . and we'll. . .uh."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Dream's allies exchanged glances as the L'Manberg fighters tensed.

"Shit, I forgot. LINE!"

"Take back the land that's rightfully ours," Tommy called.

"And we'll take back the land that's rightfully ours!" Dream drew his sword and pointed it up at the L'Manbergians, ignoring the confused looks. "I want to see WHITE FLAGS! WHITE FLAGS, OUTSIDE YOUR BASE, BY TOMORROW, AT DAWN or you are DEAD!"

With that dramatic statement, he whirled on his heel and stalked away. Wilbur turned to Tommy.

". . . Line?" he asked.

Tommy snorted. "I dunno, man, I didn't memorize yours. Just make some inspirational shit up."

"I-- what? That's not what I meant--"

"Whatever," Tommy huffed. "This scene's already scuffed anyways, let's just skip to the next one."

"Tomm--"

Tommy was already hurrying away. "I'll be mining if you need me!" he called over his shoulder.

~~~