Her diary: Things I never say

chapter2: throbbings

The man i have come to love;

I have loved a man who found it hard to say the words "I love you"...there were times i wandered if he said them what would it cost him but yet at that time he seemed the coolest in my eyes even when there were days i cried my eye balls out and swore i would quit and said i regretted it i still melt at the sound of his voice or the scent of his smell but that is all gone

I once loved a man who smiled more than he uttered a word but knew just where and how to touch me,who was a freak for good scents and good food,who was royal and knew how to carry himself amongst the crowd who when he spoke everyone seemed to listen and was good at intimidating others..he made me feel like a princess,knew just when to just hold me tight instead of blab nonstop but even that is past.

Then i loved a man who brought order and gave directions to my hazy life and for that little time spent i could measure the value he added. A man who would who took the tinnest things about serious. My ideas my fears my wants my needs my ambitions my desires...i never once heard him say "you can dont that" or "no,dont do that" with him there were only words like "yes you can" why not...ofcourse...lets try that...let me help you...and i loved he jealous streak nature...his provacative nature his stronge manly lead nature the best. I picture him going places...i sometimes wander "who the lucky lady is¿". I miss him sometimes.. for the shortest time i qas grateful to the little taste of his love that i got

Even so i loved a man who spoke with his eyes...those eyes that were penetrative i could they poke me and bored holes into me. Mr.protective,he treated me like the most important subject in his life..his love language was being my guard emotionally,physically when he could,financially....gifts.outtings and convos...i cant forget him sleeping over phone conversations. Best times real good times....i cant forget him fighting his family just to be with me...the things that started like a joke and turned into a long life imprint in my heart and mind...i miss him treating me like a baby....guarding me like a national treasure...i pray he gets someone who deserves him.

Not to forget this man that has me in between his fingertips...a look back how we started and wow! Just wow...Allah really plans....i never saw him coming...this perfect man!....i have no words to describe him....
He is my friend,my brother,my confidant,my bank,my mumu,my daddy my everything...sometimes...when i think about him i doubt if i even deserve him. He just ticks all the boxes...oh! I forgot my soldier!,always has and knows the right thing to say and never gets tired of my rubbish..thr words i love you never feels heavy to him and goes the extra miles to prove it too.....this man is patient,speaks kind words,never gets angry no matter what i do,pays the bill,teaches me stuff and is always ready to listen!!!!!!!!
He said im his last chance at true love

I pray this one stays.i pray this is my last try at love too