paper balls, shidou ryusei ✓

𖥻 05 - paper balls.

biting your tongue, you waited for his answer.

although you wanted to phrase your question a little differently at the beginning, you couldn't take it back anyway.

the more confused ryusei stared at you out of his pink eyes. "i- what? you're asking why i don't throw it at you anymore in class?"

"well, you used to throw paper balls at me every day.. besides, you completely ignore me, too. and anyway, i don't know why you're being like this to me! ryusei, we used to be best friends! did i-," you took a deep breath, "h-have i done something wrong?" you finally wanted to know the reason why he changed so much.

every day you looked for the fault in yourself, but you just couldn't find it. hoping you tried to look him in the eyes, but the blonde one avoided it. "i can't be friends with you anymore, okay? i just can't, y/n!" he suddenly blurted out.

confused, you frowned. "w-what do you mean?"

laughing ironically, he shook his head. "just do us both a favor and leave me alone. don't ever talk to me again, y/n. just forget about me, got it?"

painfully your chest tightened.

ryusei shoved you away from him in such a way that you stumbled backward a few steps. "oh, one more thing. throw away those fucking paper balls and don't keep them, what the fuck" he added coldly before disappearing around the corner, leaving you alone.

it wasn't until ryusei was no longer in your field of vision that you felt your eyes starting to burn and not even a few seconds later, the first tears started to flow and shortly after, a quiet sob escaped your lips.

the person you love didn't want to have anything more to do with you.

fast you tried to collect yourself and not collapse at any moment, you bit your lower lip hard until you could even taste the metallic taste on your tongue and your fingernails also buried themselves painfully deep into your palms.

'just forget about me..'

again a sob escaped you, this time much louder. you pressed your hand tightly against your mouth while leaning your back against the locker, slowly sliding down.

"r-ryusei.." escaped you from crying, hoping that your old best friend would still come back and take you in his arms like he had always done before, that he would kiss your tears away from your cheeks like he had just a few months ago. that he would just be there for you; your chest burned at these memories.

after a few minutes, when your sobs were still sounding softly, you felt someone tap your shoulder. hopeful that it might be ryusei, you lifted your head slightly, only to be disappointed moments later.

"hey, are you okay?" came hesitantly from sae.

instead of answering, you shook your head absently as you stared silently crying. sae sighed briefly before sitting down next to you on the floor and now staring just as absently at some point.

every now and then, you sobbed, but tried to pull yourself together.

also, you didn't quite understand why sae was now sitting next to you, but shortly after, his voice rang out. "it's because of ryusei, isn't it?" he hit the mark, causing your heart to tighten again painfully.

again you didn't answer, which he took as a yes. "listen, ryusei confided a lot of things to me about you, and i know a lot too. among other things, that you're in love with him..,"

this time you showed a reaction, your head darting in sae's direction and staring at him in shock from reddened eyes, but he gently shook his head with a smile, as if he knew what was going on in your head right now.

"don't worry, he doesn't know"

nodding slowly, relief spread through you.

"however," it now escaped sae, who eyed you indefinably, "you should tell him."

your eyes widened before you immediately shook your head. "i-i can't," you croaked in a broken voice. "he hates me, says i'm disturbed because-" a quiet sob escaped you, "because i've just been collecting these stupid paper balls. and i don't even know why..." again, your eyes filled with tears.

the more you thought about it, the more you regretted collecting the paper balls, should've thrown them away right then and there instead of taking them home.

sae's mouth opened a little, but you continued crying. "if i tell him, then.." you bit your lower lip hard to keep from having another crying fit.

sae then said nothing, which you more than gratefully accepted. both of you sat there in silence for a few minutes until the gong sounded and the break was over.

you were sure that you couldn't continue participating in class in your current state, so you would excuse yourself right away to go home and crawl into your bed.

you two got up from the floor and patted the dirt off your pants before sae placed his hand on your shoulder. "being in love sucks but you'll get through it, alright? you must know, y/n, the paper balls may seem insignificant, but to ryusei, it's much more than just rolled up pieces of paper." a small smile played around his lips as he headed to his classroom after these words, leaving you confused behind.