Love Live! Letting The Heart Speak (Kanon Shibuya x Male Reader)

Chapter 5 - Realizations Found Within Silence

"You collapsed all of a sudden, and so I went to get help. You're running a fever so we brought you in here so you could rest until you woke up." Kanon explained

"Right. Sorry about that..." I said, realizing I must have scared her by collapsing like that, I can only imagine the worry I caused her.

"It's okay Y/n, don't push yourself" Kanon said, trying to get me to lay back down, but unable to stop me from instead sitting beside her rather than on my back resting on her lap.

Letting silence set in, I let out a sigh, not knowing what to say to her right now, feeling pretty awful both physically and emotionally right now. I mean what do I say? I left myself in a state where I ended up collapsing and in the process I ended up causing her nothing but pain.

Still, this silence feels different compared to any silence between us before, it's awkward and heavy, and while I know I seriously screwed up, I'm even more scared that this moment might taint our memories in the future. I don't want to ruin my relationship with Kanon, and so if not just to fill the silence I took a deep breath and said "I'm sorry Kanon, I guess I've been pushing myself maybe a bit too much lately, and I guess it's finally caught up to me."

Kanon nodded her head and tried to give me a reassuring smile as she said "I figured that was probably the case. For as long as I've known you, you've worked hard to help others and yourself, and how much you've pushed yourself in so many ways. I know that while you're a shy person you push yourself to act friendly and open so people would be comfortable coming to you, and you've pushed yourself to find who you are. I always thought that part of you was amazing, but I wish you'd go easier on yourself. After all, it hurts me to see you like this."

"Right." I said, still feeling guilty. "Still, of course I need to push myself, otherwise, I won't be able to do the things I want to do. Like being somebody people can rely on, or succeed at the things I want to do, or be any sort of worthwhile person"

Or be with you

To me, Kanon is somebody I've always admired because of knowing what she wanted to do and doing it. She's a caring and thoughtful person, and that's not even mentioning how pretty she is. Meanwhile I'm just some guy with no dream and with no stand out qualities besides being hard working and having a decently fit body. I love spending time with Kanon, but I can't help but worry that I'm not good enough to have that last forever. Time moves on after all, and so who knows how things will go. I just want to be able to enjoy spending time with Kanon and treasure the way my heart seems to swell around her.

Ah, so that's how I've felt for her for so long

I love Kanon

But still, with how I am, there's no way that could happen. If I was to seek out a relationship with Kanon as I am now, I'd just be following behind her, moving forward without any ambition as she moves towards her dreams. Before I can be with her, I should be able to stand beside her...

As my thoughts raced, Kanon placed her hand on top of mine and said "Y/n, please don't think you aren't a worthwhile person without pushing yourself." She began to blush slightly as she said "Y/n, you're somebody really special to me, and even without pushing yourself the way you do, you're somebody I'm so glad to have around."

She then paused for a moment taking her hand off of mine and placing it on her chest as she said "I... I love you Y/n. Whether we're actually doing something or just having a quiet moment with the just two of us, it makes me happy. So please, don't think you aren't already worthwhile."

As the words she said clicked in my head, the solemn silence that had been in the background seemed to tear away slightly, and as I felt my heart beating faster and a smile growing on my face, I felt happier than I can ever remember. Kanon loves me? I mean that's awesome, but my earlier concerns still stand, I might not be able to truly stand beside her, or even worse, I might drag her down...

But looking at her right now, a soft blush on her face paired with a small smile, another thought popped into my head: does that really matter?

I love her, and she loves me. Isn't that all that matters? I've been pushing myself harder and harder for so long, searching for something I couldn't find, so why not rather than move forward alone, I try to slow down a little and do it in the arms of another?

I'm scared that I may end up screwing things up between me and Kanon, but I want to take a chance, and with a deep breath said "To be honest, there's a part of me that wonders if I'm really good enough for you, but I love you too, Kanon. And so if you'd be okay with somebody like me, I want to be with you more. So... will you be my girlfriend?"

Kanon nodded with a smile as she said "Of course I would Y/n."

I embraced the girl beside me, a fire of hope burning inside me as I knew that I want to be beside her for a long time to come, and love Kanon Shibuya.

As we sat together with me still recovering, I felt Kanon rest her head against my shoulder as we talked, passing the time slowly and peacefully. I promised her I'd go easier from now on, and we talked about maybe having our first date sometime soon

As she leaned against me, her soft orange hair resting against my cheek, enjoying the moment with her, I realized how while I admired her for finding her dream, and how she was further in finding her own path to happiness than me, it had made me start to forget that Kanon Shibuya is just a girl, a normal person just like me, and I know that I won't need to realize that ever again. Since from now on rather admiring her from a distance, from now on, I'll be right beside her.

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A/n: This is actually my third draft of this chapter, and I still am not entirely sure about how it turned out, so I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts on it.