How It Could Have Been

Campfire

Wait, what? Gemma froze, leaning back. Was that Rick's arm behind her waist?

Just a minute ago, they had been sitting next to each other, looking at the fire, listening to Rachel and Ben jamming out on the guitars. Gemma had leaned forward to grab another drink, and as she leaned back, there it was - Rick's arm - casually placed so that she would lean right into it.

She could hear her heart pumping in her ears. Rick? ...Rick!?... Again?

Rick and Gemma had known each other since fifth grade. They had gone from mutual ignorance to friendship, and eventually to dating - the innocent kind of dating, such as holding hands, going to the movies, and sitting together in the park holding hands. Rick had been Gemma's first capital-K Kiss. They were just kids then.

That was years ago. Their young whirlwind romance had lasted all of two months - a lifetime when you're thirteen. She still couldn't figure out why he had liked her then. She was in that awkward in-between stage, wearing braces and very baggy clothes to hide her changing body. Gemma couldn't even recall why she had broken up with him; she just remembered that that's what had to be done.

They went to the same school, so there was no avoiding each other after they split. It had been another month of heart-wrenching drama, but eventually, they went back to mutual ignorance, then tolerance, and then what could be considered friendship.

They never hung out alone anymore, though. Gemma's friend Rachel had started dating Rick's friend Ben a year ago, and their two circles gradually merged until they hung out as one big group by default now.

Gemma looked around at that group now, sitting around this big campfire by the lake, making s'mores, drinking beer, singing, chatting. She didn't think anybody had seen what was going on. The log Rick and she were leaning against was a bit further away and so in a darker spot. She still was not moving. And she didn't dare to look at Rick.

His arm was between her lower back and the log. She hadn't seen this coming. What was this even?

Her mind was racing. He was clearly trying to make a move. But what move? A friendly-cuddle-by-the-fire kind of move? Or a let's-make-out-under-the-stars kind of move? Or a wanna-get-back-together kind of move? Either option turned her guts into a twist. What did he want?

Gemma realized that she hadn't asked herself the most important question. What this, any version of this, what she wanted? She turned to look at him. He must have seen her move out of the corner of his eye because he met her gaze with his big green eyes. She could see the reflection of the fire dancing in his pupils. Everything went quiet, apart from her heart in her chest and the sound of Rick. Breathing. Looking into her eyes. Then down to her lips. Then.

Gemma jumped up and quickly walked off towards the cabin. She couldn't deal with this right now. This weekend was supposed to be simple and fun. A distraction from all the mess at home. Just the gang together at a cabin by the lake. Drinking, swimming, BBQ'ing, hanging out. That's it.

She wasn't here for drama. She really didn't have any more space for drama in her life right now. And hooking up with your friend/ex-boyfriend definitely had drama written all over it. Maybe he had too much to drink? The cheap beer they had bought was warm and thin, but it did the trick.

She went into the cabin through the basement door, opened the drink fridge, and got herself a Coke. It was better to keep a clear head. What was she supposed to do with this situation? She thought for a bit, then nodded to herself. Ignore it. Yes, she would simply ignore what had or hadn't just happened and get on with her weekend. Surely, it was nothing, meant nothing.

When she came back to the fire, Rick was still leaning against the log, staring into his drink.

Gemma sat down next to Henry and Julia on the other side of the fire. They were involved in a serious discussion about the right amount of cocktail sauce in a shrimp salad. She smiled and nodded along but had a hard time pretending to have an opinion on the subject. She looked over to Rick. He was looking at her. He smiled ever so slightly, but Gemma could see something else on his face: sadness or disappointment, maybe.