The Godmother

43. here is no why

Mostly.

There was still some in her soul. It would never be the same again, they said. It was tainted. Stained. Like beetroot juice on a white shirt. It wasn't going to be the same ever again.

Elizabeth didn't feel dark. She wasn't turning into a bad person either. She noticed that she could never get warm, no matter what she did. And that her emotions felt bigger and scarier than they did before. She didn't eat that much, not that she did before. Her appetite was cold and bitter. So was her mood most of the time, too. But she wasn't turning into a black mass of evil. She wasn't corrupted by the dark magic inside of her soul.

She felt sadder. Lonelier.

The letter came in the post a week later.

We're glad to have you back on board.

Come to the Astronomy Tower located at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, 10pm, 1st of December.

Kind regards,

Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Elizabeth read the letter twice before sticking it onto the fridge with a magnet.

Joining the Order again was something to focus on. Something to stray away from the months she'd spent wondering the farm, withering away in the wind.

While it seemed boring, she was kept occupied everyday. She tended not to stay inside, watching the television, even when the snow started.

Hunting had become her new 'thing'. Picking up a real gun, rather than using her wand, was something that felt practical and at heart. She'd bought it from the local farmers market one Sunday, from a humble old farmer who was cleaning out his garage. He'd winked his eye when Elizabeth told him that she didn't have a gun license, so she slipped him an extra 20 pounds and walked away before he noticed.

She caught plenty of food in the property surrounding her house. She had roughly 20 kilometres of solid forest to catch rabbits and birds and foxes. She didn't like shooting the deer. Elizabeth would venture out with a gun in her hand and return with dead animals. She learnt how to skin them from an old book she'd borrowed from the local library and never given back. And after a few months, she'd mastered the skill.

There was something that reminded her about the times during the first war when she'd be fighting in combat, on live missions, that made hunting feel the same as it used to. Only she knew that there was a very little chance that she was going to be caught. Not if she didn't pass the Fidelius border.

Deciding to place the charm was hard. Truly. But with all of Sirius' publicity, they felt that it was the safest way to conceal themselves from anyone who tried to come onto their property. With Remus as their secret-keeper, they felt safe. Atticus knew where they were, too, and Kingsley Shacklebolt was the man who performed the charm for them.

To have the charm up when Harry was home from school gave her piece of mind, knowing that they were safe, and that the Death Eaters were physically unable to cross the boundary line, unless they were told, was the ultimate relief.

Elizabeth grabbed her gun, after placing the letter on the fridge, and headed outside. She didn't have specific hunting gear. She wore a pair of Sirius' old boots and thick winter clothes, and a vest to haul the puffiness of her jumpers down as she went walking through the snow.

She walked the distance to the edge of the tree and entered, following her usual path.

In an hour, she'd accumulated a healthy gathering of four rabbits and a fox. It was a fair catch for only being out of an hour.