The Indifference of a Man Forgotten (BOOK I)

Chapter 24- Fall from Grace

And in that shock, I got off on the wrong footing, somehow spinning the correct amount of times, but jumping higher than I usually do which messed up my co-ordination, and before I knew it, the ice was all I felt under my body as loud gasps resonated through the stadium.

I fell.

For the first time in months, I fell. And not even to a complicated jump like the quad axel, but a toe loop which is something I've jumped a hundred times over by now, something I was able to do without much thought as I had engraved it into my bones, but I guess I was wrong.

But still, I was desperate.

That desperation of mine urged me to stand up and continue, acting as if everything was alright. I told myself it was okay, skaters fall all the time, but we're used to it. I fall all the time too, it's nothing new; I kept telling myself that, but who was I trying to fool?

While on the outside, I may have looked the least bit fazed as I continued to dance, my mind was a wildfire of a mess. I was breaking down; Slowly, but surely.

I said I'd deal with the consequences later, I said I'd get a gold; So, I keep repeating the same words in my head again and again like a broken record, hoping that the failure creeping towards me comes slower, because before it reaches me, I want to win.

With those words resonating through my body, I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and in the next moment, hoisted my body up into the air at a height that laughed at my previous jump, spinning rapidly the correct number of times before landing back on the ice as the stadium erupted in another series of screams.

"She stumbled a little, but she's picked herself up again! Jumping that quadruple axel for the second time today, and in a more graceful manner than before. I didn't think it was possible, but Dahlia wasn't lying when she said she planned to win gold today!"

My body grew more tired, and as the shadow of my mother kept crawling closer, I couldn't help but grow more fearful. I don't think I can succeed this time. Has there been a day like this where I've been so scared? I don't think so. Not even on my first official match where I failed.

With all the negative thoughts flooding my mind, it was no surprise what happened next.

As I leapt into the air, my lungs burning, and head throbbing, the jump wasn't what I was thinking about, and that was the problem. In my desperate attempt to ignore my mother, I failed in paying any attention to my actions.

And once again, I fell as the ice hit me with the cold reality, and this time, it wasn't just a little scratch like my last failed jump. The crack of one of my leg bones almost made me recoil in pain.

But I still held on. Desperately. Pathetically. 

At the very least, I wanted to finish this routine with a smile on my face.

But thankfully, that was my last jump of the routine, I don't even remember how many I did. And with the music beginning to near its end, I finished off my sequence with a tired body and soul.

Stopping at the centre of the rink, I dipped into a curtsy to signify the end. 

The audience stood up, showering me with gifts and cheers with little knowledge of how broken I was right now. The commentators were talking, but I couldn't hear a thing, and in the distance, I could see Marcos stood at the entrance of the rink, a worried, almost fearful look on his face.

One of the only people who possibly knew what I was going through right now.

And next to him was Daniel, staring at me with wide eyes and a trembling body as if he knew. He knew that this performance broke me. And yes, it did.