invisible string

three.

➽──────────────❥ 

on friday evening, sometime after the study session, you had drafted a text to send to ellie.

hey! thanks for studying today, I re|

hey! i really had fun wi|

hey ellie,|

when saturday came around, you figured you had already waited too long and missed your chance to text her. it should've been a few hours after you departed, close enough that it was relevant to thank her for her time yet not too close to seem overbearing.

sunday afternoon you were frustrated with your inability to make up your mind. you had yet to even save her number into your phone, and it was certainly too late to make a move now.

you were spiraling. completely overthinking every action and word, worried that any sort of relationship or interaction you potentially could've had with ellie had already slipped through your fingers.

turning over in bed, you stared at the green sticky note on your wall. you had put it there on friday, careful not to crease or fold any corner of the paper as you carefully pressed it to the wall. her handwriting on display on your wall, you lost minutes just gazing at it.

Ellie!!!!!

by monday morning you were a wreck, nearly contemplating skipping class. you felt rude, not texting ellie when she offered up her phone number in the first place.

she clearly wouldn't have given you her phone number if she didn't want you to actually use it, and you spent your early hours cursing yourself while getting ready for not coming to that realization sooner.

the walk to class felt like a death march. accompanied by gray skies and frost covered grass, you hoped being early to class would give you some time to speak to ellie before it started. luckily you had gotten used to getting there early, and ellie hadn't beaten you there first this time.

it felt like a waiting game, twirling a pencil between your fingers and snapping your head up every time someone new entered the classroom. with only minutes until the lecture was going to begin, a few desks remained open, including the one next to you where ellie previously sat the last time you had class.

letting go of any hope that you would be able to talk before class started, you flipped through your notes in an attempt to refocus your thinking. while scanning your previously highlighted words, the sight of a familiar bag and converse caught your eye.

you immediately looked up, smiling, hoping to catch ellie's eye just as she had caught yours. the desk next to you was still available, but it remained open as ellie walked past and returned to her original seat a few aisles away.

with a sinking heart and trembling hands, your smile faded. you screwed up. you knew you screwed up, why were you such an idiot? why couldn't you have just texted her?

it was torture, having such a brief taste of what it was like to make ellie laugh, only to go back to not existing in her orbit.

it was your own fault, that's what made it worse.

taking notes and reviewing lecture slides was a tedious task that you didn't have the capacity for, not when ellie was right there and she was all that you could think about.