Youth; Jeongchan

8. Counting all the losses

Late in the night, they stop in a parking lot.

Ever the gentleman, Chan helps Jeongin adjust the back of his seat as far back as it can go, then grabs himself a packet of nut bars.

"Dinner", he says, tossing another one to Jeongin.

They both devour their meal, and Jeongin is tempted to ask if there are any more, but Chan is eating the same amount, even when he's so much broader, so it's a subject he won't broach.

"Night", he says, curling up on the chair.

Jeongin stares at the dark padded roof of the car. The past three days have been... calming. Certainly more relaxing than staying home. He has much more free time, for one, and Chan indulges him in a lot of things, filling the silence with monologues about parts of cars and his favorite greek myth and how to shoot the perfect three pointer in basketball.

And Jeongin tries, he really does. He smiles and adds interjections about other greek myths, or an interesting quote he's read, or just about a farm they're passing by.

(He's trying to avoid the piano as a topic.)

He just hopes it's enough, that he's enough.

When Jeongin cracks his eyes open again, it's due to the dull light coming from the large yellow M. It douses everything in a garish yellow perfect for apocalypse movies. With the car illuminated by it, it makes it seem stifling. Jeongin cracks open the window on his side, then, when that isn't enough, he slips out of the car, taking his phone with him.

He finally adds Hyunjin's number to it, and then texts Felix, who is out of his mind with worry and awe.

He quickly sends off a 'I'm fine, I'm doing well, no-one kidnapped me, and my parents didn't take my phone, then, after a moment, adds a blurry picture of himself with the yellow M to send to him. Nobody can tell where that is exactly, right?

A minute later, Felix is video calling him. Jeongin only hesitates a moment before accepting.

"Jeongin, are you possessed?", Felix greets him, his eyes wide.

"No", Jeongin juts out his lower lip,"my parents told you?"

"Uh, yeah, right after they asked where the fuck you were, you gave them half a heart attack."

It's not hard to tell Felix was worried too. The realization makes Jeongin feel overwhelmingly guilty all of a sudden, and he sits on the pavement to recover from that sudden bout of nerves.

"Fuck 'em", he says finally, because that's the one thing he's sure about right now,"how are you?"

"Worried, that's how I fucking am. Your parents are assholes, and the fact that you felt you had to run away..."

"It's fine", Jeongin says instinctively. His parents aren't as bad as some. And he's ok with Chan. Better than ok.

"It really isn't", Felix says, and Jeongin knows they're going to rehash the old discussion about Jeongin's parents again if he isn't careful.

"Look, I didn't- well, I sort of did- the point is, I know the guy I kind of not really ran away with, he wouldn't harm a fly."

Felix's eyes soften.

"You're safe?"

The love in his voice is going to make Jeongin cry.

"Yeah, I'm safe", he says, closing his eyes,"I'm doing ok, Felix, better than I was in that fucking house."