What If?

Elisha's POV

"Nahanap mo na?!" tanong sa akin ni mama mula sa baba.

"Hindi pa po! Pero nahanap ko na 'yung lagayan!" Pasigaw kong sabi para marinig niya ako.

Ibinaba ko muna ang malaking kahon at naupo sa sahig tsaka sinimulang kalkalin ang loob nito para mahanap ang medical certificate ko.

Ilang taon na nga itong nakatago kaya naman ay napupuno na siya ng mga alikabok at dumi pero mabuti na lang ay maayos pa ang lagay ng mga gamit sa loob.

Isa-isa kong nilabas ang mga gamit para mas mapadali ang paghahanap ko at nang mahanap ko na 'yung envelope na naglalaman ng medical ko ay ibabalik ko na sana ulit ang mga gamit sa loob nang may nakakuha sa aking pansin.

Isang maliit na envelope ang nasa pinaka-ilalim ng kahon at nakasulat dito ang pangalan ng lalaking limang taon na simula nung huli kaming nag-usap.

Ibinaba ko muna ang hawak ko tsaka dinampot ang envelope at binuksan ito.

Wala siyang ibang laman kundi naninilaw na papel dahil sa kalumaan at isang lantang bulaklak.

Five years had passed, yet that memory still exist in my mind. As if, it has a major part on my life.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang panginginig ng aking mga kamay habang nilalabas ko ang papel mula sa envelope at nang buklatin ko na ang papel, tila bumalik lahat ng alaala noon.

Dear Dominic,

There is no way that you will read this, but I'm hoping that one day you will.

Alam kong nasabi ko na ang lahat sayo bago ka umalis pero parang kulang pa rin eh. Ang dami kong what ifs sa ating dalawa. I'm not even sure if this is really our destiny or we're just being played.

Pinagtagpo, nagkamabutihan, pinaghiwalay. Pinagtagpo ulit pero muling pinaghiwalay. Funny, right?

Wala eh, ang daming hadlang sa ating dalawa. I get it. Both of us are still young and striving for new things. I know that very well.

Remember when you told me that you loved me? I was over the moon with your confession. Akala ko kasi, ako lang 'yung nagmamahal sa ating dalawa.

But it still hurts that you kept your feelings for me because it feels wrong. Yes, it does feels wrong.

We met at the wrong world, but our feelings were real. Or, my feelings were real.

I'm still unsure about your perspective on what's happening with us right now.

It's hard to move on if I'm still into you. It sounds so cheesy, but whatever.

Do you remember when we spoke hours before Christmas? That's the first time I ever confessed to someone I truly loved.

Nagkagusto ako sa iba, yes. Pero iba sayo, ibang-iba ang pakiramdam ko sayo. I can't seem to forget you.

I secretly loved you for two years. It came to the point that I'm willing to wait for you to come back. I'm not even scared if it will take years. I'm not scared if it's not worth it, at least I tried. I'm a risk taker, remember?

Ang daming risks na ang ginawa ko para sayo, bakit pa ako aatras ngayon?

Pero napapaisip pa rin ako. What if we met at a different time and in a different place? Mag-iiba kaya ang takbo ng buhay natin? Wala na bang hadlang sa mga oras na 'yon?

Nung nag-usap tayo ulit, I was hoping that we could start again. But destiny isn't really taking my side.

You have to study abroad to reach your dreams. Nakakalungkot pero alam mong suportado kita hanggang dulo.