Tiptoe On, Mary Mayhemienda
by Roig “Cactus” B. Birchdavis and Charles Gaborgoogop, as told to DanKitti
(This is a parody of the story “Mary Mayhem”, at
http://www.wattpad.com/646508-mary-mayhem
or just do a search on “Mary Mayhem”)
Mary Mayhem was having some summer fun with a fuzzy pink roadster of her own design, when her car and a cow had decided that they had a lot to say to each other. Mary Mayhem observed an unhappy fuzzy pink roadster and an unhappy cow as the secret moo sign caused the spaceships to land, just as Stella and Humpo were turning into pure energy.
“Do you eat cows?” the cow asked Mary Mayhem.
“No,” she said, “and I don’t drink milk. I have a sinus condition and milk makes me sick.”
The cow replied, “Tiptoe on, milkienda. Lyn Fork II makes these other dentists count the spoons. Here comes Lisa McGeedy with salad scissors.”
From out of nowhere, Ted Danson’s evil twin yelled, “Advisor!”. The Mildew Lady was unavailable for comment, but Nicole was pleased.
By this time, Mary Mayhem realized how there were cow spies in all hamburger joints, and although she had occasional cravings, she was equally confused as to the idea of becoming the “This Tragedy Could Happen To You” poster-human. KC psychically explained how the words “This Tragedy Could Happen To You” were gratuitously added to the piece of paper that the original story was written on, and accidentally became part of the story.
Mary Mayhem continued on the road after all of this, and waved to the King of Glory on the Glory Road, happy that all her roads and cows were on the straight and narrow. The scene changed from red to blue, and Laurel and Hardy waved as Mary Mayhem’s fuzzy pink roadster drove off into the sunset.
