Apology Letters

The First Apology Letter

My love,
I'm writing this letter to you because I wouln't be able to come and talk to you, so I want to convey my feelings to you with a letter. I know you're so mad at me that you don't want to see my face or even hear my name, but all I want you to do is read this. I know you'll probably throw this away or burn it as soon as you get it, but please don't. I know what to say very well but I don't know how to say it at all, if I just let go of the words and you would still understand me as you always do? I don't know I could explain this or not if I let go of the words, but if you could look into my eyes you would definitely understand.
If you don't read a book from the first word to the last, you will never understand it. That's why you always read everything in each book, you always question it. Please consider the same for this letter. We used to look at each other without saying a word before. Despite this, I still can't understand how we could feel anything. Maybe I should just have believed you because I guess you were right, maybe our eyes are just talking back then. And even though I couldn't make sense of it, I wanted to look into your beautiful eyes for minutes, hours, days, years and go away. And this is a desire that I can never give up. I still want to get lost in your beautiful eyes. Can you tell me, do I want too many things that you can't make it come true? Please come and let these eyes meet, even if it's the last time. Weren't we the ones who loved each other so much and hurt each other so much? That was definetely us. But because we didn't want to make each other upset, we upset each other with the things we made by mistakes. We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say, you're right. But we loved each other so much that we couldn't even say it to each other. I know we hurt each other a lot, but even when I hurt you, I always did the biggest harm to myself. I don't want to leave you, I don't want you to leave me either. There are a lot of things I don't want, as well as what I want. But unfortunately, this is in the nature of humanity, even if we want it, we still continue to want it. Because desires never end. And sometimes our wishes don't come true. Sometimes it just doesn't happen the way we want it to. In line with our desires, the whole world can turn their backs on us, and people can turn their backs on us. But I will always be here.
I promise, I promise you for the last time, please believe me for the last time, this time I'm serious I swear. There's no lies left to say, and I don't have any strength to run away from you anymore.
I've always lied to you, most of them are unforgivable, but you forgave me anyway.
But I was such a disgusting person that I always kept lying to you, always left you and disappointed you a lot. I did these things because you always trusted me. I would do these things because I knew it.
I used to tell lies, I couldn't apologize properly; I would go, I wouldn't came, I would regret it if I came back. Because I couldn't go back the way I went. It was very difficult for me to come back to talk to you knowing that I hurt you so much.
I would like to make up for my mistake, but I couldn't, I was always sinking deep and upset you more. I never wanted to do these.
I never wanted to leave you, believe me.
These feelings we've had for almost a lifetime... They were all too good to be true. And none of this was a lie. Because it was too real to be a lie.
The love that I could never show you properly was my only truth.
We are tied to each other by the red thread of fate, even the worst damage you can do to this thread will erode it the most. Because this rope is too strong to break off.
I know these were not lies, I believe because your love for me and my love for you was beyond anything.
Our love was different, I know it was very special. Because we had no other need to love each other but each other. So now? I ask you: what do we need other than ourselves to love each other?
We don't have to give up anything to love each other.
Just you and me, as ourselves, we're worth everything.
This will not change, no matter what.
I believe this can bring us together even after we're here, but rightfully so, you don't want to see me.
I know you can't even look at me if you see me, because I will always be happy to see you and smile. And if you see me smiling, you couldn't stand and you forgive immediately. You probably don't see me, but I see you every day, darling.
It's nice to see you now, as always, even if you're in my dreams.
I miss you so much, I'm sorry.
If I beg you by saying forgive me, it's in vain, I know. But it doesn't work, I can't do without you.
Day turns into night, November gives way to December and you are still gone.
No matter how long it takes, that day will surely come and I will continue to live as long as I am with you.
I know you will never look at my face again, you will never turn back, but I will always wait for you to come back.
I don't know what else to say, but I hope you understand that I can't leave you again.
If I die before you come, know that I could not stand the absence of you any longer.
Do not forget me please. Okay?
Just as every end is not a beginning, not every beginning is an end. Just because all this has caused us both so much pain doesn't mean it's not over, maybe this is the end point.
But remember, you were the right person for me, I was the wrong one for you.
I'm sorry, darling.
Please forgive me.
February 14th
H

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