It's a Long Way To Dearest Gravesfield

Chapter 5: The First Night

Camila nods and sets aside the book she found on the coffee table, "What's wrong?"

"It's Hunter, he's..." Luz pauses, looking for her words as she leans against the arm of the couch at her mother's feet, "He told me he doesn't want to exist. I'm scared and I don't know how to help. He said I could get you."

Camila stands and Luz follows her out of the room, "He's had a horrible day. I'm not surprised he's feeling this way." When they get to Hunter and Luz's room, the door is still open; Camila knocks on the frame, "Hey - can I come in?"

"Yeah," Hunter answers.

She sits down facing him, "Luz tells me you're feeling pretty terrible."

"Did she tell you just how terrible?" he asks.

"Yes. But do you want to tell me in your own words?"

He hugs his knees to his chest and rests his chin on his knees, sniffling, "I lost my best friend today. He died because of me - I couldn't stop it. I killed him. This hurts so much. I don't want to be alive and I feel worse because I can't stop thinking that, because Flap wanted me to...." He can't keep talking, his grief finally hitting full-force as he hides his face and sobs.

Camila slips beside him and wraps her arms around him. Luz sits on his other side and does the same, both of them enveloping him.

Hunter cries until his stomach hurts, his breathing is ragged, and his muscles ache and tremble. Camila whispers soft reassurances, encouraging him to mourn freely. As he is taking deep breaths to calm himself, there is another quiet knock on the doorframe. Luz hurries to her feet and meets Eda at the entry.

"Thought you could use some extra tissue and some tea," she whispers, handing Luz a tray, "Lily and I figured it might help."

"Thanks. Any advice?"

"Let him lead, kiddo. He's been through a special kind of torture," Eda says.

Luz nods, "Yeah...it's rough."

"Let us know if you need anything."

Eda leaves and Luz takes the tray over to Camila and Hunter, "Eda sends tea and tissue," she hands Hunter the tissue, "Kinda think you might need this."

Hunter takes the tissue and wipes his eyes before blowing his nose, "Yeah...you're right. Thanks." He pauses, "I didn't wake them up or something?" he looks worried, "I should go apologize."

"No, you're fine," Luz says, "Mom and I talked with them about what happened - they just want to help." She hands him the mug, "Drink something. Maybe it'll make you feel at least a tiny bit better."

He takes the tea and gingerly sips it before setting it aside, "Maybe."

Camila sips her own tea a moment before prompting, "So...do you want to talk through anything tonight?"

"Does it ever hurt less?"

"Losing someone?" Camila asks; he nods, "In some ways, yes. You still miss them, and you still have a hole in your heart, but the way it shows up changes."

"I don't want to forget him."

"I still haven't forgotten Manny," Camila says, "and it's been years. Love isn't so frail that it can't endure time."

He leans against her and she rests her arm around his shoulders, "I feel bad for feeling like this. He'd be ashamed of me. I'm ashamed of me."

"No, he wouldn't be," Camila replies, "He would understand how badly you've been hurt and he would want you to take one step at a time."

"One step?"

"The first one is to just get through tonight," Camila says.

"I don't really know how to do that. I'm scared and I feel...wrong. When I saw myself in the mirror for the first time, I felt sick. In the shower, I saw just how bad the scars are on my chest, too. It's him in the reflection. I couldn't look again once I got out."

Luz once again snuggles up against Hunter, sandwiching him between her and her mother, "It's not your fault, Hunter. He posessed you and stole your body. You hurt for Flapjack, but you also hurt for what you lost when he was controlling you."

"I tried to stop him, I really did...." Hunter sighs, "But I'm not strong enough. No magic of my own, just...my own head. It's why I did the only thing I could think of."

"Throwing the Titan blood in the water," Camila says.

"I'm sorry - I knew he'd go after it. I was hoping he could drown, too, if we were stuck together...I'd hold him down until we did."

"You were trying to stop a madman," she replies, "I understand."

He turns to Luz, "I'm sorry."

"Hunter...Belos stole your body and used it to murder your best friend." Hunter winces at her bluntness. "I don't hold it against you that you tried to kill him the only way you thought you could."

He takes another sip of his tea, "Thanks. Both of you."

Camila smiles, "You're family, Hunter. We're here for you. And you can talk through whatever you need to with me. I understand you're not used to having adults you can trust, but I hope you know in your heart I'm not going to hurt you."

"I do. It's hard to trust, but I do."

"I won't always be perfect, but I will always try to be fierce for my kids."

It takes Hunter a moment before what she's said sinks in, "Thanks. A lot."

She offers him another hug and Hunter cuddles against her, "Hang in there. We'll find our way through this, together."

Hunter starts to doze off and Camila lets him for a moment before gently rousing him by calling his name, "Oh...sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"You don't need to apologize for being exhausted. But let's get you to bed."

Luz stands and turns down the covers, "He's sleeping up here tonight. I'll take the floor."

"You don't have to do that, Sis."

"I want to, so stop protesting."

He tries to smile as Camila helps him up, "She's determined - it's best if you don't argue too much when Luz decides she's taking care of you."

He lets them tuck him in and Luz brings him the pillow he'd propped against the wall, "Goodnight, Hunter. I'll be right here. Wake me if you need me. Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

Camila gives his hand a squeeze, "And I'm just a room away - don't worry about waking me."

"Thanks, Camila. For everything," Hunter replies, his voice sleepy as he drifts off, "you're...best...."

Camila tucks Luz in on the floor and kisses her forehead, "Take care of yourself, and don't forget to come get me if you need me."

"I know, Mama. And thanks for coming in."

"Always," Camila whispers, "Hunter is going to need us a lot. Don't forget to rest, talk to me or your friends, and take time away if you need it. You're not the only one taking care of him."

Luz nods, "Got it. But now...sleep time."

Camila smiles and tells her goodnight one more time before returning to the couch. She settles in, tries to read for a few more minutes, and falls asleep with the book still in her hands.