Me as a proxy

H's mornings routine

Jack: so what did you do today
H: woke up today, got out of bed, ate some breakfast, wished I was dead, put on my shoes, went out the door, I imagined myself hanging 5 feet off the floor, walked in the forest, walked pretty far.. imagined myself getting hit by a car, stopped at a crossroad, the light was red, while I waited I begged god to shoot me in the head,